Friday, September 22, 2006

Some things are private

Some things are meant to be private, and while I know eventually someone I know will read this and know it's me, I just want to be an unknown for a little bit. I read other blogs and I do like knowing who they are, their names, where they live, their families. But for me, this is a therapy of sorts. A place to leave my thoughts without the judgments of others. I can talk and type and say what is really on my mind and how I really feel without having to sensor it for the audience, which is usually family.

There is a good feeling knowing I am alone in this journal and that no one clicks on the link and read what I have and sometimes don't have to say. Sometimes it's about nothing and that's okay. It's mine and for me and I don't have to have anything to say. A journal of my life and what I want to talk about.

Just came back from lunch with a friend and she envies my life and I envy hers. She is 30 and wants to be settled down with a family and I want to be in her shoes up til 3am at a bar listening to a band waking up with a hangover. I miss that. I like where my life is, but sometimes, sometimes I want to go to the things I want to go to without having to find a sitter and planning weeks in advance. Without having to schedule, just pick up and go after work.

I love my family and things are great, but sometimes...

It's weird to finally think about how life has changed and how I have changed over the last 3 years. I got married, built a house, quit school, switched jobs, had a baby, had a miscarriage, sold a house, am building a new one, bought a car, bought another car. When I thought about my life 4 years ago and where I thought I would be in 2006, this is not exactly what I had planned. I thought I would be graduated from college, starting a very promising career in the building industry. And while part of that is still true, it's different.

Different can be good, and it is, it's just different.

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