Monday, January 15, 2007

Not sure why

Not sure why Todd and I are fighting.

Went for breakfast and pool tables yesterday. He didn't want to wait in line for breakfast, neither did I. So we went to check out other places, drove by a few and he pointed to one that had plenty of cars and there is ALWAYS a line, so I made a smart remark about no waiting, he got pissy, drove past the Perkins and asked where he should park, I said it doesn't matter where, I'm not going in. A little pissy on my part, but I had - had enough of his attitude. So he turned the truck around and drove us home. I told him to never speak to me again, after I told him to not drive like an idiot since we had the baby with us. I'm not sure how but our both not wanting to wait in line for breakfast (we agreed on this) turned in to a huge fight. We didn't hardly talk yesterday, except when he asked me to make Kermit something to eat. He even slept downstairs on the couch. This was his decision. He gets so damn moody. Told me to get off my high horse, and stop acting like every thing revolves around me. HE WASN'T EVEN HUNGRY, we were going to eat because I wanted to.

He wants a pool table, but is being frugal on the price, which is fine by me. I don't want to break the bank on this either. But yesterday when I wanted to go look for one, he really didn't want to go, but if we don't have it by Superbowl time, he will be plenty pissed about it. Some how, the stupidest things become my fault all the time. And I have a feeling this one will turn out this way too. Well, too FUCKING bad, I am not taking the brunt of this and apologizing. I didn't do anything wrong.

I am also not sure why my son doesn't really like me. I could tell story after story about how he ignores me and doesn't want anything to do with me, but I will save you the self pity. I am hoping it's just a stage. He is only 23 months after all.

Work is extra slow today. The company I work for plows snow and had to do just that last night, so my boss won't be coming in today. He needs a nap. They will probably have to plow again tonight. So I have spent the better part of today surfing the Internet for nothing in particular and being a little bored. Did update my planner for the baseball games we will be going to this year. I am pretty excited about that.

Think I might go take a nap myself under my desk.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Pool Tables and clean houses

Saturday we went looking for a pool table --but since my husband his cheap (in a good way) he couldn't make a decision and we have yet to purchase. Drove all over looking for one. Went to 5 places and put on about 300 miles doing so. But in all the shopping, I got new shoes!

Then when we got home, my mom, who had been watching Kermit had cleaned up almost all of my Christmas decorations and most of the house. I'm so glad she's alive.

She is such a God-send. I can count on her for anything and everything.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Joe and not for lack of trying

Kermit knows his own name but refuses to say it around us. He also knows my aunts name (she does our daycare), but refuses to say that as well. Usually she asks, "what's my name?" and he says MOM. They go back and forth. The other day he finally said it, a bunch of times so I knew it wasn't a fluke. Yesterday, she asked what her name was and he said MOM. So she said, where's Kermit and he pointed to himself. She said "no, your name is Joe." For the rest of the day, he would point at himself and say "Joe". I guess that reverse psychology doesn't work on toddlers.

I just found out that one of my friends is having another baby, and is due in August. Pretty exciting. We have been trying ourselves to have another one and so far nothing. I don't get too worked up about it and for a long time, I wasn't ready to have another one. We found out I was pregnant a week before Kermit's first birthday last year and I was scared to death. How will I handle 2 kids in diapers, 2 in car seats, 2 to pack up in the morning, 2 to haul in to daycare, 2 to feed, 2 to clothe, 2 to spend time with, 2 to PAY FOR? I wasn't sure I could handle it, at least when he was so small. He was still so small, he would be pushed out of the baby stage so soon. It's not fair to him -- he deserves to be a baby as long as he wants to. But then 3 weeks later on my brother's birthday, we had found out that I miscarried. No more babies to be born, at least not yet. I still am harboring RAGE towards the nurse who told me the news. She couldn't have been any more non-chalant about it. Like it was no big deal that we just lost a baby. It was like she was telling me I should get a flu shot. There was NO sympathy, no, if there's anything we can do, or any questions we can answer, no, if you want to talk. Why didn't she put my doctor on the phone? I could have handled the news better from her. There was no, what to expect in the next week and what will happen and the pain you will get -- OH THE PAIN I had. If I ever have to talk to her again, it will be too soon. I am still kicking my self for not writing a strongly worded letter to the hospital about her behavior (it would have had too many words like whore, bitch, nasty-ass cunt, I thought I shouldn't put that down on paper with my name signed at the bottom), or even talking to my doctor about it. But I just wanted to forget every mean tone in her voice and the words she chose to use -- FETAL DEMISE. She couldn't think of something better to say than that. As soon as I got off the phone, I googled the words, thinking it was something a little more technical and there was a reason associated with the term. A reason I had just lost a baby. But what it really means is miscarriage. Nothing more, nothing less.

And so, today as I am happy for my friend as they have been trying for a while and went through something similar just lately, I also am thinking about trying some more to have a baby I am sure I want now.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Happy 2007!!

Some inspiration to start off the new year! I hope everyone had a great New Years!

It Is Better To Be Alone than In the Wrong Company

Tell me who your best friends are and I will tell you who you are.

If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl.

But if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.

A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad.

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.

Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.

An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.

As you grow, your associates will change.

Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are.

Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl.

Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream.
Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider This:

Never receive counsel from unproductive people.

Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.

Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.

You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.

Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere.

With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.

Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.

Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships.

Choose to rise...

Don't settle... and go for your dreams!!!


Brought up on Drugs

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a
methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining
county and he asked me a rhetorical question, "Why didn't we have drug
problems when you and I were growing up?"
I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young. I was drug to church
on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie,
brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of
the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in
everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if
I uttered a profane four letter word.
I was drug out to pull weeds in Mom's garden and flower beds and
cockle burs out of Dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out
some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline,
or chop some firewood, and if my mother had ever known that I took a
single dime for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in
everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack,
or heroin: and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem,
America would be a better place.
Author unknown


(On a side note -- I don't know who wrote this, but if they want credit, let me know and I will get there name posted here. I also believe every word of this and that the world would be a different place if we had more "drugs".)

New Years Stuff

This year I resolve to write more on this blog (we'll see how that actually goes). I also resolve to quit smoking, and lose weight. So in actuality, none of this will happen. I do not have good luck with New Year's resolutions.

It was a busy month of December and there has not been much time for anything, except for life. We had a Christmas party for my dad's office and even though my husband and I don't work for him, we are invited every year by default. I drank way to much wine, as in a bottle and a half, and since I am not normally a wine drinker, this was bad news. Too drunk, too loud, too passed out on the bar... I've had better nights.

We also had 3 family Christmas' -- or how every you write that. They all went off with out a hitch, including the one at our house where I did most of the cooking, while my husband did most of the cleaning and baby watching.

We did have the mass murder of 2006 -- which sounds bad, but it really was a stain incident. My husband was staining the round top windows, because he said they would be done before Christmas. His extension ladder let go and he fell about 8 feet, landed on his feet, but the cup-o-stain hit the floor and splattered EVERYWHERE. It even hit the 14' ceiling. The splattering looked like blood because it was a darker stain and thus instantly became know as the mass murder of 2006 -- we still have to repaint 3 walls, and stain the last window. After the falling, he didn't want to finish the one in the bedroom.

Kyler Kermit has learned many new words and is not shy about talking or making you do what it is he wants you do to. "Mon (as in Come on) daddy", "Reddy, Set, Goooooooo", "One, Twwooo, Sereeee, Twwooo, Sereeee, Five", still doesn't want much to do with his AB, CB, DB's.

I am looking forward to a great year full of big changes. I got 2 emails I am going to re-post here, because I think they sum up a lot of feelings of mine and a lot of good advice to everyone.

Happy New Year!