Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Who cares about mama

The weekend was a success. We made the trip to Montana one more time to get my cousin. This will be the last road trip, for a while anyways. She is staying put in MN for now. Lots of good times were had by all. We met a new friend and she is wonderful. She was very hospitable, gracious and funny. She let us overtake her house and play with her kitty.

We got home at midnight Sunday/Monday. After sleeping for a few hours, we got up and went to get KM, he was staying with Papa. He could not have cared less that I was there to get him. It was Amma he wanted to see. Said hi to me, but then ran by to give her hugs and "I muss you's". He wanted nothing to do with me. I guess that's what I get for abandoning him for 3 days with the dreaded Papa. All they did was ride 40-wee-were, and watch baseball, and chase the birds, and go into town for treats, and every thing else the King Monkey wanted to do. What was I thinking when I left him in such hell?!

It was nice to have a few days alone, without all the chasing and running, and keeping him off the road. But I made up for that yesterday with the graduation party we were at. Oh boy, with the running. Does he every stop, or at least slow down? I guess I'll have time to rest, when I'm dead, which might be soon, if he keeps up all this running. I am too out of shape to be a mom, at least to one as active as he is. Goodness Sakes!

Then when we got home, long after his strict bedtime, he needed to go in the tub for the third time that day (the first 2 weren't needed, but Amma thought he should have them). He had diaper rash from the weekend, Papa needs another lesson on changing a diaper. You are suppose to wipe the poop off, not just put on a new diaper! Anyways, there was lots and lots of crying. KM was tired, had been woken up from the cat nap in the truck, had an oowie butt and was in an all around funk. So we put him in the tubby, soaked his butt and put him in is favorite jammies. Then he sat and snuggled with dad on the couch. The read a book twice then off to bed. Seems like he never wants to snuggle with mama when he is tired, only daddy.

I miss the days when he was my little snuggle bunny, when we would nap together. He is a major daddy's boy. I guess that's what I get for letting him grow up. The little turkey, why can't he stay 6-12 months old for a little longer. Just a few more months, then I'll let him turn 2. Maybe the next one will listen better when I tell them they can't get any older, at least not until I am ready.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A mother's work is never done...

We had a great mother's day. I woke up to the KM with his nose about an inch from mine saying "Happy Mommies Day, Open peasants? (presents)". So we got up and opened peasants. They got me a really cool new oven mitt I wanted and a under cabinet mount radio/CD player. Which was also installed on Sunday -- this sort of thing never happens at our house.

Then the chaos began. We had my mom, grandma, great-aunt, sister and brother over. This doesn't seem like very many people, but it sure was hectic. It probably didn't help that I had a slight headache, which was just throwing me off all day. I just couldn't get in to the swing of things. The day was long and never ending. It would have been great if I had been in the mood. Lately we have been doing a lot of entertaining. Our friends come over a few times a week for dinner. It's great, but sometimes it feels like all I do it cook.

So on Sunday when every one was over, all I wanted to do was sit and enjoy the day, but instead had to cook. After dinner when I asked my husband to help clean up, he said there was enough people to do it (i.e. my mom, grandma, great-aunt and sister). This was pure bull shit, it was Mother's day, and not dad sits on his ass day. He wandered in to the kitchen and was going to pretend to help, after I got mad at him, and couldn't figure out why he needed to help or why I was so mad at him. I just yelled "Fuck It!". At that point I think he understood that I was not happy and that he should get his ass to cleaning up lunch.

Part of the reason I was so cranky at him was because last year on Mother's day I painted our bedroom. We were trying to sell our house, and we agreed that some of it needed to be re-painted. So while he said he was going to help, he ended up taking a 4 hour nap on the couch, while my mom watch KM and I painted the room by my self. So this year I had high hopes of being treated like the queen I should be and actually getting to relax a bit. Instead, while I prepared all of the things for lunch, and my brother did the grilling, my husband sat on the couch and watch baseball. Didn't even bother to talk to anyone who was over. GRRR! Sometimes that man really pisses me off. Excuse us for being in your presence sire, we shall leave whilst the holy baseball game is on. Never mind we were here to visit you.

I had to get a little upset with him last Friday as well. He has been working on a job for a friend of ours, so when work is done they sit and have a few beers. He shows up at home when ever he feels like it. This is so irritating. When I get done with work, some days I would like to just sit and have a beer too, but instead I have to go and get KM from daycare, then go home and make dinner, do the laundry, give KM a bath, pick up the house, do dishes etc. Never crosses his mind that some days I am tired too. On Friday when he did get home, he took KM outside for a bobcat ride and I went back in the house for a few minutes to just sit, and when I poked my head out the window, I heard KM squealing with laughter and wanted to see what they were doing, husband tells him that mom has never seen daylight and she hates it out side. She won't come and play with us. That just hit my pissed off button. There are plenty of times KM and I play when dad is no where around, and I don't tell KM things to make him think dad doesn't like playing with him. Then they came inside and I was laying down, and husband says there's the King lying on the couch. FUCK YOU -- it's the first 5 minutes I got to myself in a while and now I'm the King who expects everyone to do what ever it is that I tell them -- I don't even know what he was really referring to but when ever he calls me King, I get so angry at him.

This turned way more in to a ranting than I had originally intended, but that you have it. My frustrations with the husband. It's not all the time, or even a blanket statement like "lately", just a few isolated incidents. Needed to get them off my chest.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Few, The Proud, The Soldiers

There hasn't been much to say lately. Life has been boring. But coming up was always something that would change our whole family, and I know I have been avoiding thinking about it, talking about it, or even living it.

My cousin was going to be deplyed at first to Oklahoma, then to Iraq. He is in OK now, and will be back for a short bit this summer. But then he will be gone for, I'm guessing, 18 months. It's hard to watch from the outside. His fiance and 2 little girls are missing him like crazy. Not to mention the rest of the family. I can't even imagine what it would be like to miss out on that much time with my baby. Some days he drives me crazy, but I wouldn't trade that for all the tea in China.

I am hoping to do the best that I can to help out with the family. We are the ones that live the closest to them. I am going out west to bring my other cousin home (his sister). She needs to be closer to the family, and we need her to be here too.

I try not to think about it right now, he's only in training at the moment. But soon, he will be overseas, and everyday will be hard. Much harder for him than us, but hard none the less. Do you go on living life, like nothing has changed? How could you do that, knowing that it has, at least for now. How do you keep him up to date on what the kids do? How do you have a marriage from thousands of miles away? How do I write a letter, what do I say?

I worry that he won't come back and I know everyone else worries the same thing. I try not to think about it, but if it doesn't even cross my mind, would it be even tougher to deal with if I hadn't even thought about it? I like to think that sending out good karma his way will help keep him safe, but I don't want to be completely shocked either if something happened, even if he lived through the something, I think I need to be mentally prepared for almost anything. I won't be much good to others if I am mentally paralized at what has happened. Maybe it's the mom in be coming out, but I need to be useful to others in a time of need.

For now, I guess I will go on thinking that live is a bowl full of cherries, but soon, I will need to think about all the "if's".