Tuesday, April 01, 2008

This is not what friends are for

We have these friends. The used to be good friends of ours, but now, not so much. They used to come over for dinner a few times a week. We used to have so much fun with them. But the more I started looking at our friendship, we were the ones doing everything. We always had to do the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, the paying. When they would come over for dinner the husband J, would sit on the couch at our house and watch TV. If we wanted to talk to him we had to go into the living room. My husband would run back and forth from the house to the garage to do the grilling. Never would J ask if he could help with anything, or even tag along to talk to Husband while he was grilling. Only after everything was done and it was about 5 minutes from eating would he say "do you need anything?"

Twice, I think, he made us Chef salads, he specialty. Mean while we were all in the kitchen helping and preparing. He was not the only one out there. I would not sit in the living room and watch TV while he did the cooking. We were all helping. But he would make sure to tell us a few times how much they had spent at the store on groceries.

His wife K was helpful when it came to dishes. She was not much of a cook, but would always sit in the kitchen and at the very least talk to me. She would help with what she could, or what I asked her to do. And she always did the dishes when we were done. She would volunteer to do them. It was a nice break, but J would head straight back to the couch.

He would also spend the better part of every evening putting my family down. What a bunch of "losers". He is friends with my brother (my brother was the best man in his wedding). He would hear things about my dad, and he would always have to put his 2 cents in, but it was never anything nice.

And then lately, we haven't been hanging out with them, but Husband did go on a trip with them. Most of the trip was good, except the last few days. J had to put Husband down and tell him that he doesn't know anything about building. Husband has been building since he was born pretty much. He has been working with his dad since he was about 11 or 12 and been doing it on his own since he was about 19. He knows more about building than J could ever possibly know, but J insist that he knows more. His famous words "what you don't realize is.....". Some how in J's existence (he's 27) he became and expert on EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. He knows more about building and laptops and buying houses and well everything than anyone else. He will tell you everything you need to know, even though he really doesn't have a clue. He doesn't even know the business he's in very well.

We had him help us with our yard last year when we put it in. It seemed like it would work out fairly well for us. He had a lot of equipment we could use, his mom owns a green house and we could re-pay it with work done on his house. But he ended up costing us money. When he went to measure for our sod (keep in mind, Husband and I have put in a yard before, we owned another house that needed sod and rock) and he ordered way to much. He had to use his fancy wheel measuring deal-y. I have no idea what they are called, but I think they are stupid and for lazy people. They are clearly not very accurate and if you use your brain and a survey, it would have been right on. He also had to have his nose in where we got it from. Even though we didn't ask him to. I had a place lined up with a good price for sod, and a deal on delivery. Instead they (J & K) had to call me and tell me where to get it how much it was and when they could deliver it. And, IT HAS TO BE ORDERED IN LIKE AN HOUR, so we could get delivery by Friday. So they ordered it at a higher price, with too much sod. In the end it cost us an extra $300.00 for the sod itself, the price difference between their guy and my guy and another $300.00 because he ordered too much that couldn't be used. With their help our yard cost us an extra $600.00. That would have paid for quite a bit of plants or part of the deck we want to put up. Great friends I know.

The point is, I'm tired of being friends with people who aren't putting as much effort in to the friendship as I am. I'm the only one that calls K, she NEVER calls me. I just don't feel like I'm getting that much out of chasing them. It's really a one sided friendship. I haven't talked to her in about a month. She's a great person, good listener and very flexible to what I want to do, but I just can't keep spending all this time on her when I don't get much back.

J is arrogant. He is smarter than everyone, just ask him, he'll tell you. He thinks he's such a big shot, but he doesn't have it all figured out. He treats his family like shit, and if it weren't for his dad, I don't know what he would do. He dad owns the company he works for, but J pretends to run it and then talks down to his dad like J was the one who built the company and doesn't even need his dad. It's irritating to listen to.

I guess, in my old age :), I've come to the realization that, I don't need people like that in my life. I don't need to keep them around, just because we have been friends for a while. I have other friends, Better friends. I'm okay with not hanging out with them. I'm okay taking to my other friends about my problems or whatever. I'm moving on.

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