Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Missing my husband

My dearest love of my life was out of town for a few days and as much as I didn't think I would miss him too much, I really, really did. We have been away from each other before and for about the same amount of days. But for some reason this time was different. Maybe it was the snow (we got about 18 - 20"), or maybe it's that Kermit is so much busier now, or maybe I just love him that much more than I used too. I felt very alone, and very helpless, with everything. Not that he shovels the snow (some one else comes and plows it -- we're lucky, I know), or not that he does all the cooking (we share this duty), not that he takes Kermit to daycare (I always have), but this time, I was missing him terribly. I guess I felt like the protector of the house was gone, and what if...... he wouldn't be there to save us. Normally when we hear a weird, loud, different noise in the house he tries to send me to look. I tell him that's the husbands job. These thoughts are kind of all over, but I really missed him this trip. We were fine and plenty of things to do. But the snow was romantic and we were snowed in and he wasn't there to share it with us.

I realized (not that this is even close to a comparison, but it's the closest I have) that when my cousin had to go back to MT, and she was missing her man, I could see what she was feeling. Now they are totally different because Husband was coming back in 6 days, she doesn't know when she'll see Him again. But leaving someone you love, or having them leave you, even if only for a short time, makes you think about how much you love them. It makes you think about how life is so much different when they are not there. It makes you think of all the things life would not be, if they are not there, or if they were never there. I could see why she was so very sad. I'll admit that I even cried. Sappy, sappy girl, I know. But things have been going so well in our family lately. We have been having dinner together every night, talking, playing with Kermit and enjoying life like people should do. Maybe I was just sad that it would not be like this for a few days.

My husband makes me want to be a better mom. I sometimes run out of patience with Kermit and he is there to pick up where I am failing. He is the playful one, and I am the laundry, dinner, read the books before bed time mom. Kermit and I have a different routine when he is not around. We snuggle more on the couch (after a long day at work, I just don't always feel like running around), we read books and learn new words and count and sing the ABCB's (that is not a typo -- that's what KM calls them). When dad is around they play more and run and "fight" and play ball. I guess I should cherish this time because when dad is around, sometimes it's like I don't' exist. Only time for dad.

I try not to focus on bad things, but what if he didn't come back, or what if something happened to us while he was gone. Would he get on a plane and come home, would he send my mom to make sure all was well, would he just not worry about it? I pretty sure I know the answer (#1) but I got to thinking.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am glad he'll be home today and I'm glad that he picked me to marry him.

Another worry for another day: What if we can't have more babies? This has been on my mind a lot lately and I'll have to write it out one day.

1 comment:

Auntie said...

You guys have a long time to figure out what's right for you to have another baby. You're both young. If you guys can't have another baby, maybe then you think about adopting. It's just a thought. KM would get another brother or sister and you would get to love another monkey. There are lots of babies out there that need someone to love them. Just because a baby isn't biological doesn't mean you love them any less. I love you!