Down time at work is not at much fun as you would think. Some days it's nice not to have much to do. But those are only the days when I am hung over and that is not very often. Today is one of those days where I actually wish I had something to do or could go home. I am feeling a little like I don't matter at my current job. The important things to be done around here are not trusted to me. I can do the filing, but I can't write the checks? It just seems so silly to me. I have enough spare time anyways to do this. But we pay someone else to come in and do it.
Sometimes I think it's time to move on in my career -- or my job, some days it both. But then I think of the incredible benefits I get here and I think of how hard it is to start over. It's comfortable and it's safe and it's going no where for me. I will still be doing the same job in 10 years with only a slight pay increase and probably no more responsibility. I don't want that. I like being important, and recognized and needed and counted on. I like knowing that what I do matters daily in operations. Most of the time this is not the case here.
Husband tells me to quit and move on, that I am smarter than I am being given credit for. But still, it's hard to move on to the next job when I feel like there is more that needs to be accomplished here. I also don't like moving on with out knowing who's taking my place and if they know EXACTLY how I do things. I know this is ridiculous, because they can do things however they want, but my way is the only way things should be done. My way is the best and smartest way and it makes the most sense! (You know you have felt this way about something).
So for now, I guess I'll stay. I have other things I want to do in life, but none of them will make me much money at first and this scares me. I need to make money. Even if Husband has a job and is making lots, I need my own to spend. I don't like asking him for money. One day I will take the big scary leap and move on to the next thing, but not this week.