We went to see Husbands mom yesterday. What a weird experience. Husband told me to call the place she was staying and ask what time would be a good time to come and visit. I did not want to be the one making the call. I have only met her once, and when actually thinking about it, it was a year and a half ago. It was KM's first Christmas. So calling to check on her and set up an appointment, was not something I really wanted to do. We went back and forth, I told him he owes me BIG. He said fine I owe you 1, I said no you owe me like 10. So, I made the phone call. Talked to the man who answered the phone, he said anytime was a good time. Then asked me my name, the family was there and wanted to know who was on the phone. I gave him my name and then he put some lady on the phone, who I have never met. She was so glad that Husband had gotten her message about his mom. She is not doing well and Hospice says she may not make it through the night. We weren't planning on going until today (which would have been tomorrow yesterday! :) ). Anyways, it would be such a blessing if you could come before she passes and I know she would really like to see you. Blah, Blah Blah....
So I called Husband back and said, it don't look good. What do you want to do? He says, can't we go tomorrow? I said I don't care when we go, but it doesn't sound like she will be there tomorrow. FINE, we'll go today. So I speed up there and he was waiting around the block. He wasn't about to go in with out us (KM and I). We all go in, and his mom says hi to him and KM, then looks at me (remember I only met her once) and says Who are you? I say Wife. Who are you? I'm Wife. Who are you? I'm Wife. Then Husband and I exchange a look of this is going to be along night. But then suddenly she realized I was speaking English and remembered who I was. So we sat with her for a while and talked a little, we don't really know what to say to her. We both hardly know her. Then she wanted to go out side to have a cigarette. Okay I guess, so we haul her out side in her wheelchair, she wanted to walk, but they told us to make sure she stayed in the wheelchair. She watched KM run around, and he was a little surprising.
KM goes one of two ways when around people he doesn't know well. He is a cling on, and won't let go, or he acts totally normal. There's no in between shy stage of getting used to them. It was like he had known her his whole life. Good for us in a way, but he was his VERY BUSY self. Lots of chasing him around the house.
So we went back inside, and sat for a while. KM ate part of his 'lunch', and colored. He played with the cards. Husband and KM tried making a house of cards, but of course if kept falling over. Then she wanted to go back outside for another cigarette. She said "I want to have another cigarette before I go." The nurses asked "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" She said (in a very sassy tone) TO BED!" We were there about an hour and a half. This time we took his backpack and blanket with us. I put them in the truck and Husband and I decided to have a cigarette with her. KM sat on the ground and played in the 'mud'. Then only small patch of dirt he could find. At least he was in one spot. We talked a little more and then it was time to leave. We gave her hugs, KM sat on her lap for a second and they talked about candy. "I just want two candies, " he told her. Then Husband gave her a hug, she said tell your dad I miss him and I love him and I tried to to the best I could. It was all very surreal.
I come to find out later, while we were sitting inside, she was whispering to Husband, that she wanted him to try and sneak her out with us. "Make sure you take my purse first." I don't know what we were going to do with her, or where we were going to take her, I guess that didn't much matter to her.
We went and saw her anyways, but it's only a matter of time before she passes. I just seems so weird to wait for someone to die. I can almost bet my life that we won't see her again before she passes, but then we'll go to the funeral. I just seems like something is missing in the whole situation, but I think that "something" is a relationship that they never formed. We will go through the motions as if he actually knew he mom, but really he didn't. And I don't. And I'm not going to push him to do something that he is uncomfortable with. We granted her dying wish, I guess. Maybe that's what she's been holding out for. She didn't really care much about him while she was alive, why should he go running now that she's dying? But if he hadn't gone, there is always that regret of "what if".
In the mean time, I'm trying to decide exactly what it is that he owes me for making that phone call....