Feeling Left Out

This morning King Monkey woke up and told me about the dream he had. He said that we had went to the neighbors to give him the wooden ladder and he was sad because we wouldn't let him come with us. I told him it was just a dream and that if we went to the neighbors we would let him come with. He said "Thank you mommy."

The night before he had a similar dream, and I don't remember what it was about, but he was feeling left out in that one too. I guess we need to spend a bit more time with him, alone, just him. I thought we had been spending a fair amount of time with him. I thought we were doing things with him alone. I thought we were not ignoring him. I thought we were making a point of treating him special. I guess it's not enough. We need to bring our A game to parenting.

We took the kids and Amma to a waterpark last weekend for Thanksgiving. We spent the whole weekend with him. We played in the water. We sat in the hot tub. Only after he went to bed, or was down for watching cartoons, did Husband and I go and do something else.

I love that he is old enough and smart enough to tell us what he needs. To tell us "hey fuckers, member me? I love you too." He doesn't just pitch bucky fits, he tells us what's wrong. He talks to us. And I can always tell when he needs more love, because he asks to sit on my lap. Or he'll say in a very sad voice, "I love you."

I guess he needs more mom and dad time. I think we'll spend this weekend decorating for Christmas and putting up the tree. I'll try to make some memories, good ones instead of bad dreams.

If I could get my crap together I could have a new career..

Yesterday I was reading blogs at home and Husband was looking over my shoulder asking me about blogs. I told him that Dooce supports her family with her blog. He told me to get a blog, I said I have one. He said why don't you support us with it. I told him I would if I had time to write. He said if you make money with it, you can stay at home and write. Whoo Hoo! However, I can't just quit my job to stay at home and write, especially since I am making a total of $0 dollars and $0.00 cents with this blog at the moment. So in a effort to get what I really want (to stay at home with the kids and get paid for it) I am making an honest effort to start writing here more often. I'll make it my new years resolution, but if I start it now, maybe by January 1st I'll already be in the habit and there will be less pressure to do it everyday since I'll already be doing it every day. Follow that? Good, glad we had this talk.

Plus, the powers that be at my current job are changing a few things and it all has to do with the economy and because of those changes, I will actually probably have to pay in at the end of the week just to work where I'm at. It sucks, and I would rather it be different, but things are the way they are so now it's time for me to make some changes for the betterment of my own family.

Here goes!

The King and The Queen

KM has adjusted so very well to have the Queen Monkey around. He is not jealous or mean. He is so very sweet to her. He loves having the job of being "in charge." We race to see who can give her "all the kisses." It's his job to tell me when she cries (even if I can hear her). Today he was barking orders for someone to "put the nookie in!" He knows that being a big brother is a very important job. He knows it's his job to teach her things. When she cries, he sings to her, usually the ABC's. I think he has even been teaching her how to suck her thumb. I just know she'll be a thumb baby. When she was about a week old, she managed to find her thumb into her mouth, but since then she has been sucking on her hand a ton. He smothers her in kisses. He is so gentle. Two days ago he held her and gave her a bottle. I don't think in my whole life I have ever seen someone so proud of something. I don't think I'll ever see that look again. You could see on his face that he knew he was doing an important thing. You could see the love he has for his sister. They will be the best of friends and the worst of enemies at times, but I will never forget that moment. They were bonding and it melts my heart. I catch him talking to her all the time. He sings her Old McDonald Had a Farm and tells her stories. He will teach her so many things and they will get in to lots of trouble. But I can't wait for the ride. He will protect her and threatend to beat up people who are mean to her. He will teach her to be tough and how to play baseball. He will help her learn to crawl and then walk. He'll pick her up when she falls down. He will hug her when she cries. I couldn't ask for a better big brother for her and I know she will feel the same.

Random Weekend

Today was one of those days that needed to happen around here. I had been neglecting the laundry, the dishes, the house cleaning. We had a busy week last week, and I just couldn't bring myself to do the mundane. So today was catch up day. KM and I came home from staying at Amma's and got to work. We even had time to make killer meatloaf. Even after all of the house cleaning, I still couldn't get Husband to say something nice about it. I had to ask him if he liked it. This drives me crazy. I don't need big production, but a simple, Thanks for doing that, or the house looks good, would have been nice. Plus I was watching 2 kids all day while I had to try and get it done. Lucky for me KM was a HUGE help. He likes to be a big helper and do "chores."

He is the super cutes big brother. He is constantly kissing and hugging her telling her "you're so sweet." Friday I called Amma to talk, but asked KM if he wanted to talk to his sister (she was squirming and making some noise so he could hear her). I put the phone up to her, and he was on the other line, she started to cry, so I pulled the phone away so I could pick her up and I could hear him on the other line "It's okay, It's okay." He was saying it in the most soothing voice, just like I would say it.

There was also a bit of drama this weekend with one of our friends B and his girlfriend. She tried to kill herself, but really I think it was huge attention getter. The worst part of the whole thing, she did it while her 3 year old son was in the house with her. I have NO time for people who do shit like this. If you want to kill yourself, go ahead. But are you not smart enough to think about your son first?! It's a bunch of shit, a bunch of drama, and I kind of think the reason she needed so much attention was because our friend was smoking. Because this is the kind of thing you kill yourself over. I wasn't there, and I haven't talked to her, but I know she is a bit of a drama queen and a control freak. This had nothing to do with, ending her life because she couldn't take it anymore, and everything to do with "B will realize how much he loves me and change his ways when he sees what it's like to almost lose me." I'm just irritated with the whole situation. I think she deserves to lose her son. I don't know if he would be better off in another home, just because it's a lot of adjustment for a 3 year old, but people like her don't deserve to have kids. At the very least, her parents should get him. I'm done with her. B I'll still talk to, but her, she just lost a friend. People who are that self centered deserve everything they get in life, and what she just got was one less friend and client.

Introducing Queen Monkey

She is the most beautiful girl I think I have ever seen. It doesn't hurt that she looks EXACTLY like me! She has a ton of black hair and blue eyes. Everyone says she has my eyes and that they sparkle like mine. I really like this comment. I think my eyes are one of my best features, and to know that she has them too, is so wonderful. KM thinks she is great. He loves being a big brother. He also loves it when I tell him "he's in charge." He has to watch her and tell me if she cries when I go to the bathroom, or into the other room for a minute. He is always asking if she can come and lay by him. He likes to watch cartoons in our bedroom and the basket she sleeps in is on the bed. So when we are watching TV in the living room he would rather that she lay in the basket by him. He talks to her all the time and calls her a "little rascal."

About a week after we came home, we were eating lunch and she was in the bedroom in her bassinet, and she made a noise. So KM said he would go and check on her, to see if she needed her nookie. He was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed like forever when they were alone. Husband looked at me and said "You don't think he's trying to pick her up do you?" I said I don't think so but I'll go and check. So I walked in to our room and there he was, stool pulled up next to the bassinet so he could sit and watch her. He was leaning on his arms, just looking at her. It was the most precious moment. I took a picture of them. I have this same picture, from when I came home from the hospital, of my brother lovingly looking at me the same way. I'll never forget how sweet he looked, just looking at her.

She is the most perfect addition to our family.

What's next, dating??

Yesterday KM took Amma's phone and started running away. She said "Get back here with that!"

His answer, "NO I'M TEXTING!!"

(He's 3 and a half.)

Then later we asked him what Texting means, he said something about monsters, and Amma.

KM has a random thought patern

Things he said today:

Mommy my brain hurts.
I want my hair back! What hair I asked him? The hair they cut off last time!
I'm gonna give the baby all the kisses.
She's wide open mom. (means she is awake.)