Precious Monkey

hi

2011-06-07T10:26:00.000-04:00

Hello

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Stationery card

2011-05-18T10:12:00.001-04:00

Little Blessed Blue Baptism Invitation

Shutterfly custom cards for Valentines Day, Easter & Mother's Day.

View the entire collection of cards.

Not Hungry, Crabby!

2009-10-29T10:54:00.002-05:00

Today is one of those days where I feel like a fucking babysitter. Grown men calling in their hours, "Oh and do I need to fill out some paperwork?" Um yeah stupid, you do need to fill out some paperwork if you want to get a check. What was your start date? "Um......" You're a fucking idiot. I can't deal with your stupidity. Call me back when you grow a brain!

I opened this post to write about all the cute things QM is doing and saying, YES saying. But now it is tainted with my hatorade and I will have to save that for anther time when it is written with LOVE. Right now, it would be dripping with explitives because I'm in that kind of mood.

2009-08-17T16:05:00.004-04:00

I did not take 3 naps this weekend with out any guilt.

I did not leave the children in my husband's hands while I layed my arse on the couch and slept.

I wouldn't dream of leaving Mikabella in a very wet diaper because I was too lazy to change it, at least until she sat that wet diaper on my face.

Mikabella's First Twins Game

2009-08-16T19:51:00.009-04:00

Our Family

Amma and Mikabella

Mommy and Kermit

Todd and Mikabella

My mom's cousin was in town over Mother's day weekend. He was on his way to a meeting in Kansas City, but planned his trip so he could spend a few days with us in Minnesota. The last time he was in MN was 29 years ago. We were really glad to have him and it was great to see him. The last time I had see him was 19 years ago when his brother got married in Washington. We went out there for the wedding.

So he was here from Thursday to Monday morning. Saturday we had a big get together at our house. We had everyone over. I cooked a giant ham and made way too much food. On top of that everyone brought food. I had too much to begin with, then we added more, then everyone died of over indulgence. The End. I had a table of hor'dourves, ham, mashed potatos, hot dishes, desserts, bread, etc. We all hung out and caught up with Uncle Danny. It was such a nice afternoon. Then later before everyone went home, Amma set up the old slide projector in our office. Doesn't sound like a bad plan, however, once everyone got in there the room was packed. We had 13 or 14 people in our office. That's a lot of peole to fit comfortably. But it was cozy, and we had a great time. We were laughing so hard at some of the old slides. There were pictures of Grandma and Grandpa's old 'davenport' and a cow in Sweden, that for some reason Auntie and I were crying laughing at the 'Swedish Cow'. You know because Swedish Cows are really different from other cows. You could tell it was Swedish by the say it said Tack så mycket, and the way he liked his nude beaches.

We went through slide after slide after slide. Some had old pictures old pictures of Amma, and her sisters. Some were of their Christmas' as a family. Some were just very random. But there were ALL very funny and of course each had a story. We sat crammed into that room for hours and hours laughing as a family. It was funny to see baby pictures of Amma. Mikabella looks exactly like her, and so do I from my baby pictures. It was uncanny.

Amma, Wendolyn, Uncle Danny and Auntie and Chris all spent the night Saturday night. Sunday Auntie and Chris had to leave to go and spend the day with his family. Uncle Danny and I ran to Coborn's for some breakfast stuff and I gave him a little tour of our town. We made a big breakfast and got ready to go to the Twins game. It just so happened that the Twins were playing the Mariners, Uncle Danny's team. Wanette came down and went with us. We had such a great time, even though the Twins lost. Mikabella was feeling a bit under the weather since she was teething. It actually worked in to our favor. She sat really good the whole game, even took a little nap. It was long day being there but totally worth dragging both the kids to it.

A Very BIG* Weekend Planned

2009-08-14T15:37:00.005-04:00

So this weekend we have BIG* plans! They include (in no particular order):

Husking, Cutting and Freezing many, many, many ears of sweet corn.

Possibly looking at a rental home (you know, for if the fate God's allow our house to sell. I feel like we are tempting fate in to kicking us in the gut, by even looking, but Todd wants to go. So I've emailed the guy, and we wait.)

Possibly going to the lake with my mom. Todd does not want to go. I could go either way (that is go or stay home). Mom wants to go, kids... they will do whatever we say. :o)

Laundry

Dishes

I will most definitely think about packing (NOTE: I will not actually pack anything. I will wonder around the house and think to myself "How are we ever going to move out of this house? There is SO MUCH STUFF! Packing it all will take forever and I......")

There is a slight possibility of going north to watch our friend race his cars, but that is really slim. It's just, well, that would take some planning and I have a feeling we won't get there from here, but we just might. You never know.

There will most definitely be eating and sleeping and putting the kids back into their cages at night. They sleep better in there.

So really all in all, we probably won't get much done this weekend. But it's gonna be hot and well, I don't really want to do much of anything.

*And by BIG I mean really normal everyday unimportant things to be done.

Getting Closer

2009-08-13T14:19:00.003-04:00

We are finally getting closer to an answer on our house. We finally know that there may be an end to the madness soon. But I'm still not putting all my eggs in that basket. I'm trying to actually ignore it all. Otherwise I spend way to much time "What If-ing".

I also don't spend anytime thinking about moving (UGH!) or where we will live next, or how long we will live there, or about the next house we want to build. I'm trying to do this one step at a time, or it's too overwhelming. It comes up in passing between Todd and I, but we don't really look at anything because if we did and we found something that was perfect and we loved it, by the time we know when we will move, it will be gone and we will be sad.

So for now, we have beers on the deck and talk about it in the abstract. Like it's happening to someone else or on TV. I can't wait to move on and move out, but I also still really love our house. I just wish it was on more land and MUCH cheaper. Lesson learned, risk taken, money spent, good times had, time to move on.

We are constantly putting more irons in to our fire. Like we don't have enough to do. We both work full time, try to raise 2 kids, try to sell our house, we have a new venture we started that is sometimes part time, sometimes full time, Todd is also going to take a few classes on line and add to our already busy schedule. He's going to go in to business for him self again (see above where he works full time, that full time is also Self Employed.) We're just adding a 2nd business to our resume, or adding to the amount of things his Self Employedness is already doing. We'll probably opt for "another business". But we'll see. Either way, it's just more to do and keep track of on a daily, weekly, monthly scale.

I love being busy and having lots to do, but it gets very overwhelming when there is SO.MUCH.OF.IT. So that's why I talk about things more in the abstract. I step back and look at it from the outside. It's happening over there, and we're watching it. We really are taking it day by day. We don't plan to far ahead and we don't look back.

Sometimes I'm amazed how well Todd and I are getting along. We have a TON of stress right now, but neither one of us is freaking out on the other. We are rolling with the punches, know that this is just one chapter of our lives and we'll soon put it to a close and start again. We have been through tough times before and last time, we did not handle it as well. When the going got tough, I went to my dads. I would run away, so we didn't fight, but it was always waiting for me when I got home (unresolved conflict.) We fought, we yelled, we threw things, we did not do well. This time, SO.MUCH.BETTER! I'm glad to see that after 6 years, 2 kids, 2 houses, 5 jobs, and countless vehicles, we have learned how to be adults and rely on each other for the hard parts.

So here's to you honey. Thanks for always having my back, and being the other half of me so I don't have to do all of this alone. I love you!

Not Me Monday

2009-08-10T16:28:00.011-04:00

I did not pawn my kids off on my father-in-law so I could have a few more beers with my husband at the fair.

I wouldn't dream of laughing at my son when they had to stop the roller coaster because he was crying and afraid.

I didn't threaten KM with bodily harm if he did not lay down and take a nap.

I did not pretend to be asleep at 2.30 am when my husband and a friend got home from the bar because I didn't want to talk to him. I also did not purposely leave them sleep in when I knew they should be up so they could go lay stone.

I wouldn't think of feeding QM a Carmel roll for breakfast because I didn't want to do any dishes.

(My first Not Me Monday and I think I'm getting the hang of it. I'll try a little harder for next Monday)

{Inspired by My Charming Kids. Go check out her site, she is an awesome photographer.}

Mighty Life -- Inspired by Mighty Girl

2009-07-31T16:46:00.002-04:00

Grand Gestures -- 40 gifts for 40th birthday
make a 1000 lovely things
write a book
fit back in to my wedding dress and go out on the town.
visit Italy and drink cafe at a cafe
finish KM and QM scrap books thru year 5
Visit Alaska and see the Glaciers
Go to NY city at Christmas, see Rockefeller Plaza
Set foot on all 50 states -- have a few down -- many to go.
Take a family road trip across the USA.
Visit Norway and Sweden where my ancestors were from.
Buy a Norwegian sweater from Norway
See the Great Wall of China -- walk on it.
Make a scrap book of all the invitations/cards we've sent out as a family.
Build a new house, design and decorate every detail.
Make a quilt out of the kids' clothes -- one for each.
Cook/Bake a 1000 new recipes
Take my mom on a trip - probably to Norway/Sweden
Visit Ireland -- have a drink
visit the church made of bones -- Prague
Ride a trolley in San Fransisco
See a space shuttle launch
Go on a second honeymoon to Tahiti -- or where ever 7 days and 7 nights was filmed. (need to look it up)
go dog sledding
paint something to hang in our house.
Visit Boston -- while Alyssa lives there
Visit Washington DC -- do ALL of the tourist things.
Write a blog post everyday for 1 year
Watch the Twins play at Yankee stadium
Figure out how to put Life List on the side of my blog.
Have a campfire/bonfire on a beach (preferably in Massachusetts, they seem so much cooler there...)
Re-design website and re-build it myself.
Go Paint Balling (added 10/29/09)

This is a start to my list. I will add it on the side as soon as I figure out how to.

I'm totally inspired by Maggie Mason from Mighty Girl. I love that she is not afraid to dream big and put it out there for the world to see. I love that she wants to hold herself accountable for the things she dreams big to accomplish. And for that I am inspired to do the same.

Party like it's 2009

2009-06-30T10:22:00.004-04:00

I'm planning a super fun birthday party for the Queen Monkey. I'm getting a Moonwalk. I'm not telling the kids until they see it. QM won't really know, but KM will. It's a little more for him then her. His birthday is in February and he'll never get to have one at his birthday. Just ordered the invatations. They turned out pretty cute. Man alive do I love Shutterfly!

I love planning parties. I love having everyone over at our house. I love planning the menu. How much beer do we need? What kind of cake should we get? Decorations? Who to invite? Should we have a theme?

Love Your Love The Most.

2009-06-29T14:39:00.001-04:00

Love Your Love The Most: Justin Moore

I Love Sleeping In On Saturdays

And I Love Vikings Football Games

I Love Not Acting My Age

And A Good Barbecue

Yeah I'm A Fan Of Bernstein Books

And Anything My Mama Cooks

Loud Mouth Kids Have Got Me Hooked

On Sunday Afternoon

Yes I Love Good Cold Beer

And Ketchup On My Fries

I Love A Good Loud Honky Tonk

That Rocks On Friday Night

And Hell Yes I Love My Truck

But I Want You To Know

Honey I Love Your Love The Most

Man I Love How Marlboro's Taste

And Damn I Love My Morning Race

Any Song Sung By George Strait

Is Country At It's Best

Yes I Love Good Cold Beer

And Ketchup On My Fries

I Love A Good Loud Honky Tonk

That Rocks On Friday Night

And Hell Yes I Love My Truck

But I Want You To Know

Honey I Love Your Love The Most

I Love

Yeah I Love Scuffed Up Working Boots

And Broke In Tore Up Jeans

A Four Wheel Drive

Eight Hundred Bucks

And Mint Chip Ice Cream

And Hell Yes I Love My Kids

And Captain In My Coke

But Honey I Love Your Love

Yeah I Love Your Love yeah

I Love Your Love The Most

This is my new favorite song.

2009-06-24T17:13:00.001-04:00

This is kind of how I feel about the way I grew up. I feel like you couldn't ask for a better place to grow up then in a small town. This is part of the reason we decided to move back to where Husband and I grew up. We are living in a town, that is not a lot larger people wise, but much more metro then where we grew up.

This is why we put our house up for sale. We want our kids to grow up the way we grew up. We think it makes you a hard worker, teaches you the value of things. It's a different experience growing up in the country with chores to do and having to find your own fun. We want this for our own kids. We will do everything we can to show them what it looks like to grow up like mom and dad did. There's more room to run and ride bikes, to dig in the dirt and help mow the lawn.

Hopefully, they will bale hay and know what it feels like to put in a good hard days work. I'm sure you can accomplish this in the city, or even a suburb, but I didn't grow up like that and I don't know what that would look like. Going back to Where I Come From. ( I don't know any of the people in this video, but it feels like this where I come from.)

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig

2009-06-17T16:29:00.002-04:00

We had another whorl wind weekend out of town. We drove down Friday night and had a few beers on the way. And by a few I mean we had to stop 2 times. Auntie and Uncle CRat rode down with us. The 3 hour drive turned in to about a 5 1/2 hour drive. We had ourselves a really good time. The only problem is we didn't know we needed to be up and ready at 9 am to make it to the dairy breakfast. 7am came very early.

We got up and got ready. Didn't really think about the days events because Auntie and I wore flip flops to the farm. We are not that city. We did, after all, grow up on a farm. Lucky for us it was a nice day out and not muddy. We hit the diary breakfast, checked out the cows, looked around the farm and took a hay ride. Queen Monkey fell asleep before the hay ride and King Monkey nearly didn't go. He was getting bucky. After standing in line for far too long it was our turn and worth the wait. KM had lots of fun. It was beautiful day out. The sun was shining, there were hardly any clouds in the sky, more fresh air then we've had in a long time and all the family togetherness we could want. After the dairy breakfast we went over to Luan & Tony's house. They also have a large dairy farm. We spent some time with the new born calf's and feed the 3-6 month old calf's. KM was a very good helper. He had to count out 6 scoops then dump it, then 6 more scoops then dump. QM spent some time playing in the dirt while Auntie took some pictures. She ate a few handfuls. She played in the straw, in the grass, and let the cows lick her. We went for a ranger ride around the farm and saw most of the acreage he farms. It was just nice to be outside.

When we got back up by the house, we grabbed some water and played outside some more. KM wanted to golf so he hit some balls around the yard, but lucky for us it was far past nap time so it was really pleasant being near him. We kind of realized what time it was so we headed back in to town to get ready. But on the way we actually realized what time it was (Husband didn't read his watch correctly the first time) and we had about a hour more than we thought we had before we had to be to the reception. So we hit DQ for chili dogs and then went back to the hotel and took a little snooze. By the time we got up we were a little pressed for time. Thank goodness that we had extra hands to help get the kids ready for the reception. Man O' Man were they cute. I put them in their Easter outfits. Almost all of the people at the reception had not seen them yet (only the people that came with us had).

As soon as we got there it was time to eat (I said we were running behind). So we pretty much jumped in line. Got our food and sat down. Eating was very interesting. QM didn't want to stay put. She didn't want to sit on my lap and I didn't have anywhere else to put her. So I'd set her down on the floor for a while then chase her, pick her up, bring her back to the table, lather, rinse, repeat.

After eating, there was a little lull until the DJ started. A bunch of kids were on the dance floor playing together. KM wanted to join in but was being a little shy. He was watching them closely, but wouldn't venture out there on his own. We had a walker with us that must have come over on the Mayflower. It was mine and Uncle J's when we were little. (We had found it a month earlier when cleaning at Grandma's house.) So I set QM in the walker on the dance floor and before I knew it KM had pushed her in to the middle of the kids. Instant friends. They all played together. Eventually QM had had her fill of being couped up in the walker so I took her out and set her down to crawl. She crawled across the dance floor and by the time she got to the other side she had quite the following. It was like she was the Pied Piper. They all followed her where ever she crawled to, all around the dance floor. She was a great ice breaker for him. It was cute to see them exploring the new friends together as a team. Hopefully they will be this great team for years to come. Helping each other through the scary things in life.

Somewhere along the weekend I had almost completely lost my voice. We left for the reception on a Friday, but the Wednesday and Thursday prior I had to make a mad dash to Gillette, Wyoming to drop some stuff for work. I had spent 20.5 hours in a truck alone driving across South Dakota and back. What's a girl to do but sing out loud as loud as I could to myself to help pass the time. It was a fun trip but kind of long by yourself. So at the reception Husband asked me if I wanted to go and smoke. I told him no because my throat hurt a little and I figured they weren't helping much. My aunt heard me say no and said "most wife's would give anything to dance with their husbands, so when he asks you to dance, you should go." I told her he didn't ask me to dance, but to go smoke instead. She had a puzzled look on her face and wasn't about to tell me to go do that with him (she really doesn't like smoking). Plus when ever we went outside to smoke, I'd try to talk and it sounded like I had been smoking 3 packs a day for 150 years, and Husband would make fun of my voice.

KM was running low, he didn't have a nap all day. When Husband and I took a little snooze, he spent that time running back and forth between the rooms, not napping. He did pretty good considering, but had a few moments of total melt down. Eventually he just crawled into the stroller and fell asleep. QM was about the same. No real melt downs for her but as soon as she fell asleep we pretty much had to pack it in for the night. Which was okay. We had really out done ourselves the night before and I was totally ready for bed. QM had slept with Amma the night before so now it was my turn for her to sleep with me. That was super awesome until she fell out of bed at about 5 am. Mother instincts kicked in but a little late. I had scooped her up by the scruff of her jammies before she had even started crying, but she still hit the floor. REAL NICE MOM. I'll try harder next time. I'm not used to her sleeping with me and I was really tired so any moving around she did, I didn't feel.

We got up the next morning and packed up. Headed back out to Tony and Luan's for about an hour. We had to see the baby calf's one more time. It was another beautiful day out. So we walked the farm a bit more then headed for home. The kids went with Amma and Wendowin (as KM calls her). They had a made a bee line for the farm on the way down. Didn't stop to smell the roses like we did. So on the way back they decided to take the scenic route. They hit a couple scenic over looks. Stopped and got some strawberries, had a some sammiches in a park then headed for the hills.

Once they got back home, we cooked up some dinner, fed Amma and sent her on her way home. It had been a long weekend, but a really fun one. We had lots of good family fun. As they get older, it will only get better. Looking forward to the next road trip.

Things I Want

2009-06-09T12:24:00.000-04:00

a huge lilac bush in my yard

a garden full of fresh fruits and vegitables

to be skinnier -- actually to be in better shape, if skinnier comes with that, great. Mostly a flatter stomach.

to write a book -- not really sure what about, I suppose kids or parenting.

a lower mortgage payment

a pedicure every month

a hot tub

a crafting room full of all the organizing things a girl could want. I have the room, but want the organizers.

time to work on sewing, I'd like to sell some stuff, but haven't made the time to sew it.

a completed scrap book

to know it's okay to take time to do some of the things I want to do (i.e. scrapbooking, sewing, reading, writing...)

a nap

to watch all 10 seasons of Friends in one sitting (or maybe one weekend)

to take more pictures and have more taken (by Auntie) of the kids.

to have a wall of family pictures

to travel to Washington (State and DC)

(You would think Time and Money would be on the list, but who doesn't want more of both so I'm skipping them.)

Yawn.

2009-06-08T13:33:00.002-04:00

I'm in a very Blah kind of mood today. I think it's both the weather and the lack of rest from the weekend. We were at a wedding (I was also in the wedding) about 4 hours from home. Lots of beer (LOTS OF BEER) and little sleep make for a long weekend. I think I just needed a few more hours of sleep and then I'd be better.

Queen Monkey is getting cuter by the minute. Now when she talks and laughs and smiles you can see her 2 cute little teeth. They are poking out far enough to see them. King Monkey went with Auntie and Uncle C to see "UP" yesterday. They went to eat before the movie and he ate a lot. Then he needed pop-porn at the theatre. Then Uncle C spilled the pop-porn so they had to go and get more pop-porn and also a Ring Pop. He had a great time. Auntie said she cried at the children's movie. She's a mess. But we still love her.

So since I've had my fill of being awake today, I'm going to wrap this up and go crawl under my desk for a nap.

These Robeez were made for walking.

2009-06-02T15:38:00.003-04:00

Last night Queen Monkey took some of her very first steps. She'd stepped back and forth from me to almost anyone. Those were only about one step then someone would catch her. But last night, she was taking a few steps between Husband and I. Oh the pride! I know almost every kid in the history of kids has done this, but last night I felt like those were the first steps taken EVER! They were so very magical. So calculated, and yet not. So tipsy, and falling forward, and looking to be caught by the other parent. Every time she would get to Husband, I would clap and cheer and hoot and holler. King Monkey was there helping, but got slightly discouraged when they bonked heads. We'd yell YEAH and then quickly spin her around to push her in the other direction.

I don't know why this time I'm in more of a hurry to get her to each next phase of life. Maybe because I know how much better each phase gets. I don't want her to hurry up and grow up, yet I so very much do. I want her to be my baby forever, but I know that doesn't happen. I guess I'm just going to have to savor every moment. Take more pictures and videos, I've been slacking a bit lately.

She makes my heart burst when I see her. And so does KM for that matter. When I get to daycare to pick them up, every day KM runs to me and jumps in to my arms. He misses me so much. And every day when I get there QM sits where ever she is and kicks her legs and smiles the biggest smile, sometimes squealing, sometimes talking until I pick her up, but she is always smiling. They are so happy to see me, and I am so very happy to see them.

QM makes noises like Bevis and Butthead. It's a grunting noise and she does it a lot. We laugh every time. She also likes to hit her chubby little paw on everything and talk to us. I like to call her Chub-A-Riffic.

KM's new saying is "You have a Situation that needs Imagination... Brain Storm!" I ask him quite frequently, "Are you having a situation?" Then he replies with the former.

Every day I look forward to the things they say and do, even if The Pink One was up all night long whining and crying for no apparent reason, after being fed and she was sleepy and given everything she could possibly want or need at 3 am. I still love them even in the dead of night, especially in the dead of night. Looking forward to another sleepless night, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Not to be too topical or anything

2009-05-27T13:16:00.002-04:00

I think it's pure bullshit that California did this. Why is it up to anyone else who you marry? Why is marrying between a man and a woman? When everyone is for separation of church and state, than why do they bring the church and the bible and their Gods and their scriptures to something that has nothing to do with any one's beliefs. It's about equal rights. It's about being treated as equal to those men and women who are allowed to marry. It's about being treated as more than a second class citizen.

I don't have any gay friends, am not close to anyone who is gay. I know some people, have met some people who are gay. I think it's up to you to chose who you want to be with. Why should I or anyone else get a say in that? I didn't ask for any one's opinion in my marriage. And even though I didn't ask, I would have been super pissed if someone tried to tell me who I can and can not marry.

It's not up to us to determine who you can be with. I just think that California did a very bad thing. They want to be a progressive state, they want to attract to all races, creeds, all sexes. You just pissed off a lot of people and will pay for this. One way or another, this will hurt you as a state California.

Equal rights means equal rights. Plain and simple.

Like Cats and Dogs

2009-05-26T12:04:00.006-04:00

The kids have been extra cute lately. KM has been so helpful with QM and playing with her, and carrying her around. Taking dangerous things from her and giving her more appropriate toys. But they fight. Well, he tries to play and she fights. She pulls his hair, and he cries. She crawls over to him, then crawls on him trying to get what he has. If her tries to help her, or move her or protect her, she screams. She throws her fists down to the floor, sits up a little straighter and she screams. She yells at him and makes lots of noise. You know it's completely directed at him because she stares at him the whole time she's yelling. If he moves, she turns her head to yell at him some more. She is really starting to communicate her dislike.

They do play very well together too. He will help her walk, and she will crawl everywhere he goes. He shares his toys and will even help pick up after her. If he is on the bed, she wants to be on the bed, but also, he WANTS her to be on the bed. They are such great friends, and I hope it stays this way. I know they will have their fights, but I want them to like each other.

KM has been a little sensitive lately. "You love QM more than me. You don't love me." He thinks we play with her more and love her more. So I told him that we would have a special date, just me, him and daddy. We would all go golfing. But that too was the wrong answer. I told him that we'd take him golfing and QM would stay at Amma's. "BUT I'LL MISS MY SISTER," he howled/cried. Can't win for losing. (To be honest, I have no idea what this term means. I looked it up here and I still don't think it makes any sense, but am leaving it anyway.) We did end up going golfing and had a great time. He didn't even miss his sister (at least not that we heard about.)

It was such a busy weekend, but we did have some time for fun. Saturday we did some chores around the house. Husband did some yard work (mowing weed whipping etc.) I cleaned the highchair, car seat and 2 strollers. Washed them on the deck and washed the straps and covers in the washer. They were in really bad shape and needed an overhaul. After that was all done we took a nap, then Husband and I went grocery shopping while Amma (oh, lovely Amma, how I love you let me count the ways..) watched the Monkey's. $210.00 later, we left the grocery store. BLAST. Then we went home and made a feast (at 8:00 at night). We made ribs on the grill, corn on the cob -- OK really that was all we made, but it was DELICIOUS! Then we cleaned up dinner and watched Swing Vote and Valkyrie. Swing Vote was much better than Valkyrie.

Sunday, we got up and Husband and I went to Great Clips to get our hair cut. Normally we don't go there. But we were desperate. We both needed a hair cut really bad. Then we stopped and got some hair dye for Amma, went home and did her up good. :o) Then Amma and KM left and Husband, QM and I took a nap. It was really nice. After nap time we got ready quick and went to a graduation party. Met Amma and KM there. She took the kids home and Husband and I stayed to have some more beers and we ended up going out with some of my cousins. It was very good times.

Monday, we got up early thanks to Husband being a pest. We took a trip home for showers and golf clubs then picked up KM and met my cousins at the golf course. We had a great time. It was a bit on the windy side, but warm and good to be outside, working off our hangover. KM is a pretty good golfer. When he makes contact he can really hit the ball. I think he likes the driver (the screwer, screwer) the best. He was very patient and listened very well to all the golf rules I was trying to teach him. One little melt down, he threw his club and ball on the ground and said "I QUIT." He was mad that daddy had driven the cart without him. I got that settled down and promised that he could drive next time and the rest of the day went beautifully.

I like weekends like this one. We did a lot as a family and had a great time. Sometimes I feel like we are all going in different directions and don't spend much time together. This was one of those weekends that restores the faith I have in our family. The kind of weekend that reminds you that you have it pretty good and that you wouldn't want it any other way. Even with the Pink One and the Blue One fight like cats and dogs.

So Little Time

2009-05-14T17:21:00.004-04:00

I have been aching to blog lately but just can't find the time to put fingers to keyboard. Queen Monkey got her first tooth this week and it has been pure hell. Well, I shouldn't say that (but see how I did anyways), she is great during the day. The part of the day when I am not with her. The part of the day she spends at daycare, in other peoples care with her Company Manners on. Then once I pick her up there is lots of pathetic whining in the car, then yelling when we get home, then more yelling at dinner time, some sqeaking at the table, some fussing and then eventually some sleep. But then between the sleep and the getting up, there is lots and LOTS of screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night, then short naps, 10-15 mins worth, then more shreeking. I feel bad for her I really do. She is in some serious pain, and no Tylenol or Ora-Jel can fix it. Plus it's my fault really. I've been wishing these damn teeth on her for quite a while now.

Last night was pretty good actually. She slept all night, but the night before and the night before that sucked donkey balls to put it politely. I was a walking zombie yesterday at work. I felt like I hadn't gotten any sleep at all. When she finally did fall asleep it was only when snuggled right up next to me in the crook of my arm and only for short periods.

She's chewing on EVERYTHING. It's kind of funny too. She will pick up the most random thing to chew on, like a tape measure, and it really is the most preferred teething ring. She set other things down to go across the room to pick it up to sit and chew on it.

Hopefully these painful days will be short lived. I hate to see her so sad and unhappy. I especially hate to see me so sleepy. :o) Like they say with everything, this too shall pass. Until then, I'm keeping a healthy supply of tape measures around.

Broken

2009-04-28T11:57:00.005-04:00

Lately KM has taken to telling us that his arms and legs are broken. He won't do anything that he is told, at least not the first time he is asked.

KM can you go and get your jammies on?

My arms and wegs are broken. (Shit eating grin, slides across face.)

Ok then, how about I set you outside in the rain and we'll see if you can get back inside.

Ok I'll go put them on.

It's his first excuse for anything and everything he doesn't want to do. He can't eat his dinner, he can't get ready for bed, he can give me a hug and a kiss.

Sunday it was frustrating me to no end (well, he was all day, not just the comments). Finally I looked at Amma and asked where does he get this stuff? Where did he learn that? She said, probably us, and the light bulb went on. WE. WE taught him that. We are the ones who ask him if his legs are broken when he doesn't do what he's told to do the second he's told to do it. We are the ones who ask if his arms are broken when he won't hug me. We are the idiots that put those ideas in his head.

It's funny to watch him too when he says it. You know he's full of bullshit. He's clearly standing there on non-broken legs, usually holding something in his non-broken arms, telling me with a shit eating grin sliding across his face, in a tone of I Really Wish I Could Help You Out But I Have To Wash My Hair. But my arms and wegs are broken. So since we are being outlandish, I try to come up with the most outlandish thing I can think of too. "Then I will ship you to the moon, and leave you there." Of course he always starts laughing, I tend to be a bit sarcastic anyways. "You're dist kidding." Yup, buddy, I'm just kidding. I will ship you to the moon and leave you there, but I'll probably come and visit. Maybe. At the very least I'll send your blankie with.

I think it time.

2009-04-27T17:30:00.001-04:00

I think it's almost time to come out of hiding and maybe tell the family about this blog. First I need to go back thru the post to be sure they'll still talk to me if they read them. I may have said some things in the heat of the moment. But can't quite remember.
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Plan B

2009-04-27T17:17:00.002-04:00

Been a rather slow day at work today. My sister came down and had her brakes re-done in our shop. Then I had some work errands to do, so she rode along with me. We stopped and had lunch at the Olive Garden (It was lovely). Then came back to the office and killed some time til her car was done.

In the mean time, my boss had called and asked me who called our mechanic in to work today. I said I did, he's doing Auntie's brakes. No response. Then he called back a few minutes later and asked where I was and what I was doing. I said lunch, we'll be done in about a half hour. Again, no response. I think he's bucky at me. He waits until the last minute to tell me that he has things for me to do. Sometimes, I can jump right on it, and other times I *gasp* make my own plans for the day. I really don't care that he's a little bucky at me.

I'm nearing the end of my patience with this job. The job is good, my boss couldn't be a better guy. He's very understanding and accomodating. When I need time off, it's no problem. My problem with the job is mostly my own. I want to be able to do things with the Monkey's when I want to do them. I want more freedom to come and go as I see fit in my family. I'm tired of working for someone else. I want to work for me and my family. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be employed and making ok money. But I have much more potential for something greater. I'm biding my time right now.

It will happen. These things take time. I'm already working on my plan B. I am hoping and planning for that by the end of July, I'll be doing my own thing. What I want, when I want.

Here's to dreaming the dream and making it happen.

You thought my house was clean before!

2009-04-23T16:03:00.002-04:00

So we had a showing a few weeks ago. Their realtor thought our house was "cluttered". It may have been a bit, but we weren't expecting showings for at least another week from the day she came and we only had a few hours notice. Husband ran home, picked up best he could and we waited. She told her client about our house and said she'd get back to us. That was a Tuesday. On Thursday afternoon we found out that HE (the potential) homeowner was flying up from Arizona to look at our house. DE-CLUTTER TO THE HILT we were told. So I called in for reinforcements. MOM, if I ever had any favors with you I NEED TO USE THEM ALL RIGHT NOW. She came after work on Thursday and stayed the night. Her and Husband cleaned and cleaned and organized and de-cluttered all day on Friday. I got home about 7 after dropping off the Monkey's and working, and got to work on the house doing my fair share. Mom and I were up til 3 am. Then back up again at 8.30 to be sure we had it all done before 11.30 when he was getting there.

We left our house in search of something to do. We stopped at a friends and had a beer, then went to my mom's house so she could change clothes. Remember, she'd been at our place since Thursday after work with no change of clothes. Then we went to get something to eat then back home. We waited and waited and waited and waited. I went to get Queen Monkey from Gupa's house, and came back. Then our realtor came over to pick up some paperwork. We finally got an email from their realtor. They didn't think our lot was the size we said (the size the SURVEYOR said), they liked the craftsmanship, but whatever, they weren't putting in an offer. SAD.

Since then we had one more showing, yesterday. I was home with the kids so it worked out okay. Queen Monkey has a case of Pink Eye. Since we didn't start the drops till Tuesday around 7 pm, we weren't allowed to daycare until today. It was actually really nice. It was a nice day out yesterday. I had plenty of time to pick up the house while QM napped and KM watched a movie. No rushing around. I packed up a bag and off to the park we went. We had to be gone from 3-4 pm for the showing. We we got back from the park and our walk, there was no card left at our house. I'm not even sure if they ever did come to look at it.

It really hasn't been that hard to keep the house clean since the MAJOR.OVERHAUL.OF.2009. We have been picking up more after ourselves since we never know when we'll have a showing and it's easier for Husband to do a quick run thru than to clean the whole house. The basement rarely sees the light of day so usually it's only a few rooms that need attention. It's also sort of forced us in to better habits, of doing the dishes every night, and keeping the rooms much cleaner than usual.

Other major happenings over the past few weeks:

QM has learned to sit up by herself
Then she learned how to crawl (it's so mechanical and cute, she looks like one of those baby dolls you buy in a store. It's so very rigid.)
Then she learned to pull her self up to standing by the furniture
Then she learned to crawl up the step from the sunken living room into the entry way or the kitchen (Time for the baby gate.)
Now she follows us around the house where ever we go, she crawls and whines (just a little bit, a sorry, pitiful whine that says, Stop and Wait for ME! Boo Hoo Hoo, hoo hoo hoo. It's actually kind of sweet in it's saddness.)

So until the house sells we are in a Hurry Up and Wait situation and I.HATE.THAT.

We went to the park with pink eye.

2009-04-23T15:56:00.001-04:00

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Reasons to Smile

2009-03-31T13:03:00.003-04:00

Lately I have a lot of things to smile about. The Monkey's are great. Our house is nice and clean (thanks to us putting it up on the market). Which brings me to another reason to smile, we will (hopefully soon) be without our house payment, or with a smaller one. We decided to sell our house and build a new one. The house is just fine, and their is plenty of room, but the lot is (by our standards) small. It's about an acre in size and this is enough room for out door activities, it is not enough room for my husband to put up a shop. He builds cabinets out of our garage and it's driving him and I nuts. It's not nearly big enough for such jobs, and therefore, pushes us over the edge of Time.To.Move.

When we moved into this house 2 and half years ago, we knew we wouldn't stay forever. Our house has a great layout and all the features one could want. I hope that it sells quickly. But then again I don't. I haven't mentally prepared for moving. We have A LOT of stuff. It's fairly organized and quite a bit of it is already boxed up. Oh, but the stuff that isn't. Kitchen's, and pantry's and closet's OH MY! ***(As I sat and typed this, Husband called and there is a showing today at our house. A family of 6 (we have 5 bedrooms), their other house fell thru, their kids are already enrolled in our school district. They told their realtor "BUY THAT HOUSE." Totally keeping my fingers crossed that it sells. They said they could close as early as May 15th -- Trying not to JINX this whole thing!!!!!)***

I've (We've) also started a new venture to bring in some extra funds. Husband and I have really taken off with it. It's going so great. We've made back our small investment and already doubled it. This makes me happy. It's like getting paid to have fun. I know that sounds silly but it really is the truth. We are hanging out with our friends and making money doing it.

Was going to type more but now am TOO EXCITED to think even. Plus I need to run some work errands. Will update tomorrow!!!

They're so beautiful.

2009-03-18T17:32:00.003-04:00

It doesn't get any better than when you wake up in the morning and you get 2 smiling faces back at you. Plus they are still smiling at each other. It may not always be this way, but for right now they are the best of friends. QM has some serious nose trouble when it comes to what anyone in the house is doing, but it is the WORST with KM. No matter where he goes or what he does, she has to be able to see him. She will look and look and watch and stare to get his every move down. It's really, well to be honest, it's PRECIOUS. Of course I don't remember doing this with my own brother at least not at the same age as her (she's 8 months remember). But I do remember thinking my own brother was the coolest thing to walk the face of the planet. At least for a while. I tagged along and played and tried to be just like him.

What I love the most about the Monkey's is that KM is so very gentle with her and protective. When she babbles to him and I ask him what she said, he always says something like "She loves me."

I can't imagine having greater kids. It's just such a wonderful feeling. (I know gross right, but it's true.)

Life as a Digital Mom

2009-03-10T14:50:00.003-04:00

Yeah, she finally put it up. And wouldn't you know it. I saw this, but didn't think it was the one she was one. OOPPS! Here is Heather Armstrong from Dooce.com

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

It's Raining It's Pouring The Old Man is Snoring... (otherwise known as I Can't Concentrate)

2009-03-10T13:59:00.005-04:00

This morning on my way to work (WAY behind because of stupid daylight savings time) I was singing this song. The way I sing in: He bumped his head on an OLD LOG Bed and couldn't get up in the morning. The way KM sings it: He bumped his head on A Bed, and couldn't get up in the morning. Not really that different, but KM would not let me continue to sing it my way. I had to change the words to his way. He was admit about it. He can be so stubborn sometimes.

I have done nearly nothing today at work. It's hard to concentrate with the snow falling, then not falling, then check the weather, then see if it snowed more, then I'm hungry, check the radar etc. We are in the business of snow plowing so when a storm is coming, we mostly spend our day waiting for it to get here so we can plow it away. Plus the big project I need to get done this week is on hold until tomorrow as I need to round up some paperwork to complete it.

Pulled in to get gas this morning and KM tells me: Another day, Another dollar. I asked him where he learned that, well of course Sponge Bob.

I have also been hitting REFRESH on Dooce's website, about a hundred times between yesterday and today. She was suppose to be on the Today show. I missed it on TV and couldn't find the link on their website, so I'm waiting for her to post it on hers. Can you say STOCKER? Yep, thank you very much.

We watched the new show CASTLE last night. It was much better than I thought it would be. I actually really go in to it. I hate to start watching new shows. At the rate they stick around these days, it seems like such a waste of time. I was a big fan of Dirty Sexy Money. GONE. I'm a big fan of Lie To Me*. I hope this sticks around too. But chances are it won't because stupid people like stupid reality shows. Don't get me wrong, I like my fair share of them too, but there are lots of good shows out there with actual writers instead of idiots trying to get their 15 minutes of shame, I mean fame.

Guess I should go and plan my escape. It's too early to leave for the day, but I'm going to think of a reason to do just that. Don't really feel like working. We'll see how this ends up.

She holds the bottle funny.

2009-03-09T17:14:00.001-04:00

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Maybe if this were my day-time job...

2009-03-09T17:08:00.000-04:00

We had KM birthday party over the weekend. We had a great time. Lots of family and friends there to help us celebrate the fact that he turned 4. And also in the last week he has gone from wearing diapers everyday all day to underwear just.like.that! (snaps fingers) He's been doing great too. Only 2 accidents in a whole week and is even dry most nights. He even pooped in the potty at his birthday party. We were standing around the kitchen talking and he comes running out.

"MOMMY! Guess what?!"

"What?!"

"I POOPED IN THE POTTY! I had tooties and sat on the potty, then my poop fell out." (Then he turned around and more poop fell out of his pants, but I'm still confused as to how. He had both his PANTS and his UNDERWEAR pulled up. So my aunt went to go help him (she picked up the poop too to throw away) and she found more down the hallway. She put them both in the toilet and flushed it. Big mistake. KM didn't have a melt down but he did say that she's not allowed at his birthday parties anymore in case she flushes the toilet again.

*************************************

I even got my act together enough to plan a craft for the party. I bought foam door hangers and little foam letters, number and shapes. I figured it was a clean project, no mess, and easy to do for little fingers. The kids had a great time. I did buy markers so they could write/draw on them also. We did frost your own cupcake instead of a big cake that would most certainly go to waste. And if that's not enough when we made the cupcakes we made vanilla, chocolate and marble. Yup you read that right, we made our own marble cupcakes. Ok, Ok they are not hard at all, but I'm trying to pat myself on the back a little. I don't DO those kinds of things normally.

Like always, it would have never happened if Amma hadn't have come down to help. She made the sloppy Joe's, and helped with the cupcakes and pretty much all the food. She also, cleaned the kitchen and watched the kids while Husband and I went shopping for last minute party stuff. I swear, I don't know what I would do with out her.

KM has officially turned 4. It's bittersweet. He's getting to be so big (Yeah, potty training), but yet he's betting so big (Boo, I miss my baby.) Guess they never stay little for long. I'm loving every stage he's growing into, but still miss the days of him being my little baby. I'll probably always feel that way. Good thing we have QM to at least pick up some of the baby slack. We'll have her to snuggle with for a while longer.

Yummy!

2009-03-02T19:26:00.001-05:00

Dinner!

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Have you heard the one about me posting more often?

2009-03-02T16:42:00.003-05:00

I started a post about KM's birthday party but am not in the mood to finish it. But I just realized/figured out/ learned how to post from my phone, so maybe that will spur me to post even smaller things more often. I also belive that I added my Twitter to the site, but guess I'll have to check as I don't remember.

On an un-related note, I'm pretty excited that my cousin is having a baby ANYMINUTE! Or you know, some time this week, when mother nature kicks it in gear. She's having a BOY, or a GIRL. It's pretty exciting. Can't wait to meet the little monster. I really do think it's a boy, but am secretly hoping a little for a girl so I can buy LOTS of hot pink. They are very green and yellow people, and that will be lots of fun for me. The Pinker the better. This will be her first. She'll be a great mom and I can't wait.

So once again, I'll be back. I promise. Really I swear. I'll come back to visit. See you soon.

Testing

2009-03-02T16:41:00.001-05:00

Testing 1 2 3 can u hear me now?
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I couldn't be on a better roll

2009-01-13T16:06:00.003-05:00

So that New Year's Resolution of posting everyday, and starting way back at the beginning of December in hopes of creating a good habit long before I actually needed it..... Yeah, um, about that.

Just like everyone else we had a busy Christmas/New Years. I worked every day surrounding said holidays, except the actual holiday's themselves. This made for not much time off and not much getting done around the house. Not to mention we managed to squeeze 2 Vikings games in to the weekends. I still have Christmas overflow all over my dining room table. Lucky for us we usually eat in the kitchen anyways.

And because things are not nearly busy enough, I've taken on more work at work (Yeah for responsibility!), I have started a new business venture, we booked a trip to Mexico, and we are planning out Husbands future goals and objectives for his business and have set up a few meetings. Oh also not to mention, we have a wedding reception and a baby shower coming up, a Super Bowl party, then Mexico and then KM birthday party to get planned and throw all before the end of February. That's pretty much EVERY WEEKEND between now and then.

As they say, No rest for the wicked. And I don't mind being busy, I just don't like it when things are SO busy that it seems like I don't ever see the Monkey's. But I guess that is one of the prices I will have to pay as a parent to be able to give them the life style they deserve. Husband and I are working more to be able to provide them with what they need. We are taking on more work to be able to have more money.

Today it is -800 degrees F. Or maybe -8. Whatever, they feel about the same. I don't mind the weather except when I have to drag the Monkey's in and out of the truck.

KM said to me the other day, "I learned my lovely manners, from a lovely lady." And he said lovely in a way that I could just feel it come from the very bottom of his heart. I can't even explain how much I love him lately. He has been so polite and helpful and playful with QM. He has been patient and kind when he didn't get his way right away. Or he had to wait because I was feeding her. He would just wait and ask again in a bit. I don't know how I raised him to be so wonderful already, but if he keeps this up, I might have to, well, I don't know what I'll do, probably buy him a pony. He deserves it.

QM on the other hand is wearing me out. She barely sleeps at night and when she does, I think it's only so she can make sure she's up again in 2 hours. I wake up in the morning feeling like I haven't slept all night, and have to get up and GO GO GO. I don't mind and am getting used to the sleep deprivation, but it is wearing on me. For a while there she had me fooled in to thinking that she would sleep all night. She had slept through the night for a few nights in a row. I thought I was done with the 1, 3, 5, 7 am feedings. That was just a test to see if I was paying attention. Oh dear was I. I miss those nights of uninterrupted sleep. Amma was over on Sunday and asked me why I didn't come and get her to take a shift in the middle of the night. I said it wasn't her job to get up with QM when I was at home. Plus it probably worked out better because then I got to go and take a much needed nap and got lots of hours of sleep and all in a row and she did my laundry. OH HOW I LOVE THAT WOMAN!

So I really do care about my one reader and the occasional people that stop by, so here I go again making empty promises... I'm going to try harder for you! There I said it. Until tomorrow. I guess if I could just figure out how to do it from my phone, at least then I would be able to update a bit more often. I'll work on that.

I feel like crying

2008-12-16T16:00:00.004-05:00

I just can't explain it lately. I'm out of it. I don't want anything to do with Christmas this year. Usually my favorite holiday. I have a head cold. I have no money. I went shopping last weekend with Husband, and we got a lot of shopping done. But looking forward to this weekend, I have to take the kids to see Santa and buy a picture ($), get the usual ornaments I get every year ($, $). Buy something for my step-mom ($), something else for my sister ($). Something for Husband ($$$), pay for daycare ($). Maybe have some $$ left over to buy lunch next week and already I'm -$$$$$$$$$. Husband has money and if I ask, I'm sure he'll give me some to finish up the shopping. But I hate the feeling of not having my own money. It's like asking Dad for my allowance. I work hard all week long to help support our family and at the end of the week, I have almost NOTHING left to show for it. I hate it. I hate feeling like a deadbeat. I hate feeling like I don't contribute. I'm behind on a bunch of bills because my daycare amount doubled. No matter what I do I feel like I can't dig out of the hole I'm in and it only makes it worse because I feel like such a bad mom. I hate that I'm not excited for the Princess' first Christmas. I hate that I haven't sent out Christmas cards, or started/finished the photo book I wanted to give for Christmas. I hate that even if I was done with the book, I couldn't afford to order it anyways. I hate that I have a bunch of Thank you's to mail, but can't afford the postage. You might wonder why I don't just ask Husband for money, because. Because he spends his money on more important things, like the house payment and the water bill and the gas and electric. I can't barely even afford to buy any groceries and now I should ask him for money to buy stamps???? I just hate it.

I hate that I'm not a big fan of Husbands lately either. I hate that he doesn't want to touch me unless it's for sex. He doesn't want to talk to me unless it's to know what's for dinner. Yet he wants to pretend everything is okay. I hate that he spent time this morning kissing Princess, but ignored me. I hate it. I want to cry. And what I really hate is the fact that I'm at work and want to cry. Not in front of the boss.... I just HATE IT.

Head Colds are for the Birds

2008-12-15T13:22:00.003-05:00

I hate being sick. I hate even more when you sound sick but feel okay. I have a head cold. My nose is stuffed up, yet is runny. I sound like I should be near death. I'm tired and want to lay down. But I actually feel pretty ok. I've been on the phone this morning and everyone tells me I sound terrible. I also have a stupid pathetic cough that sounds like I'm faking it. I'm a mouth breather now too, because of the stuffed up nose.

This weekend, we had Weo come over to our house. Friday night we took the monkey's to my Dad's house. Then we picked them up, +1 (Weo) and went back to our house. KM and Weo played and played and played somemore. They are "best friends". Or as Weo likes to say it sometimes, "KM we're Best My Friend." The tore the house apart, then picked it up (Ok I made them pick it up). Then the tore it apart again. They made forts, and played CARS, they watched the movie, they watched Sponge Bob and The Fairly Odd Parents. They were up until almost 11. I know, I know I should have made them go to bed, but I had them snuggled in on the couch at about 8.30 or 9 with all the lights off and I thought they would just go to sleep. I thought wrong. Sunday they were both super helpful. They both wanted to feed the Princess. They took turns holding her bottle. Then we packed them all up and headed East to Grandpa and Grandma's.

We dropped them off and Husband and I went to each lunch. After lunch we decided it was maybe time to get on the Christmas shopping. You know since we hadn't started yet and it is only 11 days until Christmas. So we hit Costco, Target and Office Max. We walked in to Office Max at 36 degrees F, and 15 minutes later walked out to 22 degrees F, and an iced over parking lot. We decided it was time to go home. Especially since we'd have to put our kids in the truck and drive with all the other crazies on slippery roads.

We got home and unpacked, ate dinner and I was out cold (ha ha get it) by 8.30. This head cold is kicking my butt. I have ZERO energy for anything besides surviving. It's all I can do to get out of bed in the middle of the night to feed the Princess.

I'm hoping it goes away soon. I'm gonna need all my reserves to make thru Christmas. I am so far behind and have NO Christmas spirit this year. Which makes me feel even worse, because it's the Princess' first Christmas and I want it to be special. I need to kick it in gear.

Hair Pie

2008-12-12T11:39:00.003-05:00

Our neighbor came over last night to watch the Bears game. He's a Vikes fan, but didn't get the channel the Bears were on last night, and last nights game had implications on whether the Vikes could clinch the division. So anyways, after we dove in to the beer, for the second time this week, I didn't get to bed until after 2 am. But in reminising of old times, we were telling stories, and our neighbor has a memory of an elephant. He can remember everything -- be careful what you do. He won't let you forget it.

But we were talking about when Husband and I were building our first house. Husband was doing a lot of work on it, including being the job supervisor. We were out at the house after a horrible rain. It had rained like 10 ft in 10 minutes. Husband was walking around in the basement and trying to decide if we could pour the basement floor. I said NO that it was too wet. He said, I'm going down there to see, it can't be that wet. So as he's walking around in his NEW shoes in our wet clay basement, with a layer of sand over it, he decides that it's not that bad and we should probably pour. He goes over to the one corner to check it out and his one foot sinks in! So he tries to step with the other one to get out, and THAT ONE SINKS IN TOO!! He yells to me to help him, and I go running, what he thinks is for a shovel. Instead I come back with my camera and nothing else. He was completely stuck there, up to his knees, both feet. Between the sand, and the clay and the wet, he was completely sucked down -- NO ESCAPING. And while he was sitting there, literally stuck in the mud, I snapped a few pictures and finally after Husband had had about all the embarrasment he could take he said "Fuck it then, give me a cigarette!" So he sat down in the mud and we smoked and laughed. I had to throw out about a 100 or so I Told You So's, because I was right about it being too wet to pour.

Then after I made him sit there for quite some time, I handed him a shovel, and watched as he tried to dig himself out. That was almost funnier. Imagine, trying to dig yourself out with out taking off a knee cap or two. He got 2 scoops out and knew it wasn't going to work he handed me one end of the shovel and I pulled him to freedom. I had forgotten about all of this until the neighbor reminded is. He didn't even live there at the time. Our house was the first one on our street. I really need to find those pictures.

As it got later in to the evening/morning Neighbor started talking about Family Guy. We don't watch this show. We can't quite get the humor, and we have small children who pick up on EVERYTHING! So we watched a few clips online, I had the laptop out and was playing online. {Side note: As we sit around and drink beer and watch football, or just bullshit, I'm usually on the computer checking blogs. So as the boys talk about things, I Google them and give answers. For example, a few weekends ago they were taking about why John Madden doesn't fly. They didn't aske me to look it up. I hit Wikipedia and all of a sudden I was like, OK here's why he doesn't fly. This happened several times last night. Suddenly, I just have the answer to all of lifes questions. They find very good humor in it. It could be 5 topics later they are talking about and I'm back at why John Madden doesn't fly. That answer can be found here.} We watched the clip of when Meg makes a pie for Brian and she puts her own hair in it. It's so gross and so funny. I might have to give the show another chance.

After much laughter, I decided it was well past my bedtime on a school night and hurried off to bed. Should be an interesting night, we are suppose to go and see Hairband with them. I can't wait!

Shh Don't Talk About It

2008-12-10T16:38:00.005-05:00

Last night Husband and I had some beers with our neighbor. He came over to help Husband install the plow on the Ranger. It was 1.30am before we went to bed. I don't even know where to start this. Husband all of a sudden, gets really weird and starts talking about how we never have sex unless he initiates it, that I never come on to him, how he feels like the hired hand. He said he's done trying. He'll still go to work and provide for the family, but he's done trying to be a husband. It's interesting too, how out of no where he brings this up. He doesn't stop talking long enough for our neighbor to ask him any questions, and he talks about me like I'm not even there, even though I was sitting less than 2 ft from him. I didn't say anything, because 1) he doesn't listen when I try to talk. Especially when he gets in martyr mode. 2) he doesn't really care what I have to say. He knows that he has it so rough, and he works so hard. I'm not saying he doesn't work hard, but SO DO I! He is the only one who deserves some time off, or time away. The reason I don't initiate sex with him is because that is the ONLY time he every even touches me is when he wants sex. He will never hold my hand, doesn't really sit by me on the couch, doesn't EVER touch me, until it's time for sex. Kind of makes me feel like I'm not good enough other wise. I try to explain to him that I don't like the way I look since having 2 kids, and that I'm self conscience. He tells me you look fine, so what, but then on the other hand never pays any attention to me. Which makes me think that he's also unhappy with how I look, but just won't say it. It's hard to want to be intimate with him when he could really care less about me. It's just so frustrating. And OH MY GOD if we try to talk about anything, he won't. He will either talk about it for a minute then ignore anything I have to say because only he is allowed to feel used, or he'll get angry and walk away so we never talk about anything. He'll never hear me out, hear my feelings, hear what it is that I have to say about anything. Sometimes, I feel like the damn nanny, more than a wife, but do I complain about it, NO, I try to be a better mom and wife, and realize it's just one day. Tomorrow will probably be better. I don't sit around and sulk about it. All I want is for him to realize that he's not the only one in the family and that some times I get frustrated too, and know what THAT'S OKAY. I'm allowed to be frustrated. So I guess for now, we'll sweep it under the rug once again and not talk about it. I'm tired of trying too, but DAMN IT we married for better, for worse, and sometimes we need to stick together to get through shit. Today, I feel like I'm going it alone.

Already

2008-12-06T22:22:00.003-05:00

Already, I've fallen off my 'I'm blogging everyday.' But it's with good reason. I was sick yesterday. Very sick. I wanted to puke all day. But luck for me, I didn't. Thankfully Amma came over and watched the kids while Husband and I were out of commision. There were 6 kids out sick at daycare this week. So far KM hasn't been hit. The Princess threw up a few times but over all, she's doing pretty good. So now I'm back and am really making an effort at this.

Have a great night.

100

2008-12-04T13:45:00.005-05:00

This my 100th post. Not bad for nearly 2 and half years of blogging. I'm right on top of this. So in honor of 100 posts I'm going to post... well I don't know. It should be something good. I didn't even know this was coming up. I just happened to notice today when I logged in. So I'm totally unprepared. I kind of feel like when you're up for an award, and you don't make a speech because you know you won't win, AND THEN YOU WIN. Well it's really nothing like that, but exactly like that -- UNPREPARED. And if I were a dedicated blogger and had an actual reader, I'd probably ask that person what I should write about.

I guess in the mean time I have hit my goal of blogging every day. FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT!!!!

100, 100, 100 -- when I think of 100 it actually makes me think of counting and counting makes me think of the vision I have in my head of the way numbers count. This doesn't make sense until I explain it. When I start counting I count 1, 2, 3 -- but I have a picture in my head that goes with it. 1 at the bottom, then 2 on top, then 3. When I get to 10 the numbers then go from right to left, counting over to 20 then they go up again from 21 - 29, then 30 is next to 20, on it's right side of course. This is totally messed up, when I count, there is a very specific picture in my head. I'm going to draw a picture then upload so you can see in to the mind of a crazy. It's up there at the top, because I can't get it to go down here where I want it.

I don't know why (she swallowed the fly, perhaps she die...Can you say ADD ), but I've always saw this picture in my head since I can remember and that's just how numbers look when you count them. THE END.

Feeling Left Out

2008-12-03T16:12:00.003-05:00

This morning King Monkey woke up and told me about the dream he had. He said that we had went to the neighbors to give him the wooden ladder and he was sad because we wouldn't let him come with us. I told him it was just a dream and that if we went to the neighbors we would let him come with. He said "Thank you mommy."

The night before he had a similar dream, and I don't remember what it was about, but he was feeling left out in that one too. I guess we need to spend a bit more time with him, alone, just him. I thought we had been spending a fair amount of time with him. I thought we were doing things with him alone. I thought we were not ignoring him. I thought we were making a point of treating him special. I guess it's not enough. We need to bring our A game to parenting.

We took the kids and Amma to a waterpark last weekend for Thanksgiving. We spent the whole weekend with him. We played in the water. We sat in the hot tub. Only after he went to bed, or was down for watching cartoons, did Husband and I go and do something else.

I love that he is old enough and smart enough to tell us what he needs. To tell us "hey fuckers, member me? I love you too." He doesn't just pitch bucky fits, he tells us what's wrong. He talks to us. And I can always tell when he needs more love, because he asks to sit on my lap. Or he'll say in a very sad voice, "I love you."

I guess he needs more mom and dad time. I think we'll spend this weekend decorating for Christmas and putting up the tree. I'll try to make some memories, good ones instead of bad dreams.

If I could get my crap together I could have a new career..

2008-12-02T15:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was reading blogs at home and Husband was looking over my shoulder asking me about blogs. I told him that Dooce supports her family with her blog. He told me to get a blog, I said I have one. He said why don't you support us with it. I told him I would if I had time to write. He said if you make money with it, you can stay at home and write. Whoo Hoo! However, I can't just quit my job to stay at home and write, especially since I am making a total of $0 dollars and $0.00 cents with this blog at the moment. So in a effort to get what I really want (to stay at home with the kids and get paid for it) I am making an honest effort to start writing here more often. I'll make it my new years resolution, but if I start it now, maybe by January 1st I'll already be in the habit and there will be less pressure to do it everyday since I'll already be doing it every day. Follow that? Good, glad we had this talk.

Plus, the powers that be at my current job are changing a few things and it all has to do with the economy and because of those changes, I will actually probably have to pay in at the end of the week just to work where I'm at. It sucks, and I would rather it be different, but things are the way they are so now it's time for me to make some changes for the betterment of my own family.

Here goes!

The King and The Queen

2008-08-31T00:11:00.005-04:00

KM has adjusted so very well to have the Queen Monkey around. He is not jealous or mean. He is so very sweet to her. He loves having the job of being "in charge." We race to see who can give her "all the kisses." It's his job to tell me when she cries (even if I can hear her). Today he was barking orders for someone to "put the nookie in!" He knows that being a big brother is a very important job. He knows it's his job to teach her things. When she cries, he sings to her, usually the ABC's. I think he has even been teaching her how to suck her thumb. I just know she'll be a thumb baby. When she was about a week old, she managed to find her thumb into her mouth, but since then she has been sucking on her hand a ton. He smothers her in kisses. He is so gentle. Two days ago he held her and gave her a bottle. I don't think in my whole life I have ever seen someone so proud of something. I don't think I'll ever see that look again. You could see on his face that he knew he was doing an important thing. You could see the love he has for his sister. They will be the best of friends and the worst of enemies at times, but I will never forget that moment. They were bonding and it melts my heart. I catch him talking to her all the time. He sings her Old McDonald Had a Farm and tells her stories. He will teach her so many things and they will get in to lots of trouble. But I can't wait for the ride. He will protect her and threatend to beat up people who are mean to her. He will teach her to be tough and how to play baseball. He will help her learn to crawl and then walk. He'll pick her up when she falls down. He will hug her when she cries. I couldn't ask for a better big brother for her and I know she will feel the same.

Random Weekend

2008-08-26T00:17:00.005-04:00

Today was one of those days that needed to happen around here. I had been neglecting the laundry, the dishes, the house cleaning. We had a busy week last week, and I just couldn't bring myself to do the mundane. So today was catch up day. KM and I came home from staying at Amma's and got to work. We even had time to make killer meatloaf. Even after all of the house cleaning, I still couldn't get Husband to say something nice about it. I had to ask him if he liked it. This drives me crazy. I don't need big production, but a simple, Thanks for doing that, or the house looks good, would have been nice. Plus I was watching 2 kids all day while I had to try and get it done. Lucky for me KM was a HUGE help. He likes to be a big helper and do "chores."

He is the super cutes big brother. He is constantly kissing and hugging her telling her "you're so sweet." Friday I called Amma to talk, but asked KM if he wanted to talk to his sister (she was squirming and making some noise so he could hear her). I put the phone up to her, and he was on the other line, she started to cry, so I pulled the phone away so I could pick her up and I could hear him on the other line "It's okay, It's okay." He was saying it in the most soothing voice, just like I would say it.

There was also a bit of drama this weekend with one of our friends B and his girlfriend. She tried to kill herself, but really I think it was huge attention getter. The worst part of the whole thing, she did it while her 3 year old son was in the house with her. I have NO time for people who do shit like this. If you want to kill yourself, go ahead. But are you not smart enough to think about your son first?! It's a bunch of shit, a bunch of drama, and I kind of think the reason she needed so much attention was because our friend was smoking. Because this is the kind of thing you kill yourself over. I wasn't there, and I haven't talked to her, but I know she is a bit of a drama queen and a control freak. This had nothing to do with, ending her life because she couldn't take it anymore, and everything to do with "B will realize how much he loves me and change his ways when he sees what it's like to almost lose me." I'm just irritated with the whole situation. I think she deserves to lose her son. I don't know if he would be better off in another home, just because it's a lot of adjustment for a 3 year old, but people like her don't deserve to have kids. At the very least, her parents should get him. I'm done with her. B I'll still talk to, but her, she just lost a friend. People who are that self centered deserve everything they get in life, and what she just got was one less friend and client.

Introducing Queen Monkey

2008-08-22T12:01:00.006-04:00

She is the most beautiful girl I think I have ever seen. It doesn't hurt that she looks EXACTLY like me! She has a ton of black hair and blue eyes. Everyone says she has my eyes and that they sparkle like mine. I really like this comment. I think my eyes are one of my best features, and to know that she has them too, is so wonderful. KM thinks she is great. He loves being a big brother. He also loves it when I tell him "he's in charge." He has to watch her and tell me if she cries when I go to the bathroom, or into the other room for a minute. He is always asking if she can come and lay by him. He likes to watch cartoons in our bedroom and the basket she sleeps in is on the bed. So when we are watching TV in the living room he would rather that she lay in the basket by him. He talks to her all the time and calls her a "little rascal."

About a week after we came home, we were eating lunch and she was in the bedroom in her bassinet, and she made a noise. So KM said he would go and check on her, to see if she needed her nookie. He was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed like forever when they were alone. Husband looked at me and said "You don't think he's trying to pick her up do you?" I said I don't think so but I'll go and check. So I walked in to our room and there he was, stool pulled up next to the bassinet so he could sit and watch her. He was leaning on his arms, just looking at her. It was the most precious moment. I took a picture of them. I have this same picture, from when I came home from the hospital, of my brother lovingly looking at me the same way. I'll never forget how sweet he looked, just looking at her.

She is the most perfect addition to our family.

What's next, dating??

2008-08-22T10:12:00.002-04:00

Yesterday KM took Amma's phone and started running away. She said "Get back here with that!"

His answer, "NO I'M TEXTING!!"

(He's 3 and a half.)

Then later we asked him what Texting means, he said something about monsters, and Amma.

KM has a random thought patern

2008-08-18T21:50:00.002-04:00

Things he said today:

Mommy my brain hurts.
I want my hair back! What hair I asked him? The hair they cut off last time!
I'm gonna give the baby all the kisses.
She's wide open mom. (means she is awake.)

My List

2008-08-18T21:31:00.004-04:00

I was reading Dooce today and she asked a great question. Who would be on your list of Famous People To Have Sex With? I've often thought about this, because a girl likes to dream, but now is the time to write it down. I reserve the right to change this list at any time. Also they are in no particular order. I'd do them all at any time!

1. Brad Pitt
2. Michael Phelps
3. George Clooney
4. David Beckham
5. Dean McDermott

I know a little cliche with Brad Pitt and George Clooney, but everytime I see Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen, I nearly die. I'm pretty sure Michael Phelps is on EVERYONES list this week. But I like the fact that he seems really normal and down to earth. David Beckham -- well if I need to explain this to you, you have either a) never seen him, or b) never heard him talk. I love a man with an accent. Lastly, Dean McDermott, he is an unlikely choice. I have been watching lots of Tori and Dean Inn Love/Home Sweet Hollywood. He is a fantastic husband, a good provider, a loving father and he's nice to look at.

So that is the list. What's yours??

UPDATE: So after more consideration, I have realized that I am missing some of my favorites. I made this list very quickly and felt like it was missing something. So others on my list would be (you know, if I wasnt' limited to 5, then again it's my list so I guess I can have as many as I want right?) Kenny Chesney, Dermont Mulroney, Patrick Dempsey.

I would eat him if it were legal!

2008-07-14T11:21:00.003-04:00

Saturday, Auntie took some pictures of KM and I. He has been the super cutest with my belly and I knew I would be disappointed if I didn't take some pictures of him with it. It was super super windy out, but they turned out really cute. The one of us standing and he's kissing my belly -- I'm totally having this framed. I figured since Auntie is going to go to school in the fall for photography, I would let her have a shot at it. I think she did a great job. I am also going to have her take some once the baby is here. Which by the way that I feel, may be today. I feel like total crap and have doctors appointment at 12.45. If not before, then at the very least this baby will make her appreance next Monday, July 21st. We have scheduled a c-section. Also, I have her "room" done. We finished it yesterday with the help of my mom. She is God's gift to mothers and I don't know what I would do with out her.

In My Head All Day

2008-07-10T17:24:00.004-04:00

I can't stop listening to this song. I love it!!! Reminds me of being young and in love -- you know, High School love. Carefree, nothing to do all day, go to parties at night, flirt with boys, dancing in the bed of trucks (something I know a thing or two about.)

I guess I'll never be back there since baby number 2 is only days away. But I can dream right?!

Aww Blast! (Part 2)

2008-07-10T12:07:00.002-04:00

I've already posted the cute things KM has done lately. So now I'm making good on my promise to post about the spill I took because I'm a clumsy pregnant lady. It's really not that interesting. I was walking in my mom's garage to tell Husband what things to pack up after the graduation party. He picked them up and was carrying them outside. I was shortly behind him and was looking for my pop. I triped over the handle on the cooler and took a spill with my huge belly. Lucky for me there was another cooler out in front of me and I fell with my arms landing on that. If that hadn't been there, I probably would have ended up on my belly and that would have been bad. I scraped my knee and tore my pants. It was kind of weird because it swelled up instantly. It was huge lump. I had to ice it a bit and it really hurt still the next day. But really no harm done, thankfully. I had to go to the doctor a few days later and the doctor asked me if I had been skate borading. I told her no, that I fell because I was so front heavy.

Like I said, really not that interesting of a story, but there you have it finally. Notice I started this post on 7/10 and today is 8/22. I guess I kind of forgot.

Life according to KM

2008-07-07T17:41:00.003-04:00

"Pregnant means you ate your baby."

Amma asked him how does the baby get out -- "When she's done cooking, she comes out."

"Mommy, I had a good sleep."

KM picked out a onesie for the baby and I asked him what it said on the front. He held it really close to his face and said, "Dear shirt for the baby."

KM was eatting treats with Amma at our house and told her that he had to eat ALL the treats so he could get a big belly like mommies.

"Mommy, you're the sweetest mommy." (I had turned on cartoons for him.)

"Mommy, you're such a good mommy." (I had got up at 6am to put in CARS for him."

Oh Baby

2008-07-07T17:15:00.005-04:00

So here it is a whole week later and I am still just as tired. I swear, it feels like I haven't slept in days. KM crawled into bed last night around 2 am. He is such a little bed pig. For being only 3 feet tall, he takes up the room of a giant man. I love to snuggle with him this is why I don't leave and go to sleep on the couch. But I really should have. I get much better sleep. I guess it's because I feel guilty that soon there will be a new baby and if he does come to sleep with us, there will be less room, or he won't be allowed at all to sleep there. I haven't decided what I'll do yet. Plus, I'll have less time for him and I'm trying to soak up as much KM time as I can.

I went to the DR last week and finally got some answers as to what I should do. I was hoping that a VBAC was an option, but with the litter I am carrying, they suggest that I do a repeat c-section. I guess that's fine too. It's nice to know one way or the other. They are measuring her at 8 lbs, +/- 9 oz. Still, she's a fatty. Or I mean, healthy baby girl. So the clock is ticking and I don't feel all that ready. I have diapers, and clothes and wipes. Husband finally built a changing table and her corner is mostly done. But I guess it's because Husband and I can't decide on a name. I have one I like and he has one he likes and they are similar, but we have not agreed. We also don't have a third name that we both like. With KM, he had a name, I had a name and we had a compromise name that we both liked. Not the case this time.

So it looks like it's down to about 2 weeks and Butch (this is what KM calls her) will be here. I suppose I better hurry up and get ready. I have been trying to plan ahead a little with meals and supplies for around the house, but it seems like everytime I cross something off my list of "that will make life easier", I come up with 3 more to add to it to get done before then. No matter what I'll never be ready. But lucky for me, my mom has a bunch of time off and is going to take some and come and help me. Plus Husband will be around, and my aunt has offered to come and help. I suppose I could just give up a little control over everything and let them (KM and Husband) fend for themselves a bit. Husband, when given the chance always steps up to the plate and makes it work. It's just that I rarely give him the chance.

Maybe my problem is, I like things the way they are, even though I really want another baby. I'm sort of feeling like things will never be this great again. KM is so very cute and wonderful, and once she's here, EVERYTHING will be different and I'm really hoping that is doesn't change him. I don't want him to be jealous or feel neglected. I have this feeling that once she's here, even though he's very excited, he'll be a different kid. I guess that's just how it goes and we'll roll with it.

Aww Blast!

2008-06-30T16:28:00.001-04:00

I've had this window open since 12:42pm and have not written anything until now (4:27pm). I'm too tired to give a shit. I actually have lots to write about. My sister's graduation party, KM has been the super cutest, how very much I want/need a nap, and the clumsy spill I took yesterday that hurt my knee. But instead, I think I'm going to screw off for the next 15 minutes and leave the office early. I'll fill in the blanks later.

I don't know much, but I know I love you...

2008-06-25T14:44:00.001-04:00

I'm really not feeling it today. I feel like a nap and a massage and maybe a trip to the chiropractor. But I don't have time for any of them. BLAST that work thing I need to do everyday to pay for diapers.

My sisters graduation party is this Saturday. My mom is swamped. She has a hundred million things she wants to do, but I have a feeling, many will go undone. She has such great creative ideas, but time and money always interfer with her plans. I know the place will look great, and she'll pull it together about an hour before people show up. It's kind of like magic.

I need to go and eat lunch, but am too lazy to drive across the street to Subway. It's probably because I'm not really in the mood for Subway. It's either that or Burger King and I am REALLY not in the mood for Burger King.

King Monkey has been extra cute lately. He has been so nice and loving. He asks me all the time if he can kiss the baby and hug the baby. This morning he told me he was going to buy the baby a llama and a deer. I'm not really sure why. We were driving along and he saw something - I didn't see it so I don't know if it was a llama or a deer, he called it both. He said it's "down by the deep water." Then he told me he was going to get a llama for the baby, (pause) and a deer. I guess she needs both.

Totally Random Sidetrack --

Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life.

I would die for the safety of the people I love.

I just read this article about George Carlin. I liked him as an actor and as a comedian. These are 2 of the many life lessons he learned. I just like the way he put it.

End Totally Random Sidetrack.

Back to how cute KM is. This morning he cried when I left him in bed. He wanted to lay by me and not daddy. He says, "Mommy, you're the sweetest mommy." He has been asking all kinds of questions about the baby and what everything is for. Yesterday he told me that we need to build her a stroller. I said we have one in the garage. "Oh, for the baby?" Yup, for the baby. Abby (at daycare) asked if they were going to take my baby out yet, and KM told her, "Not til she's done cookin." The other night KM asked Husband, "Daddy are you pregnant?" He said NO, "Oh, how come?" Because only girls get pregnant.

This is going to be an interesting ride once this baby is born. I know KM will be good with her, but still it will be plenty interesting.

Should Have Said No

2008-06-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

Man, I love her. I can't stop listening to this song lately. I like all of her music.

Other songs stuck in my head:
We Weren't Crazy, Josh Gracin

If I Could Turn Back Time, Cher

I Miss You, Honey Dogs

Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler

Still Pregnant

2008-06-10T17:23:00.003-04:00

I went to the doctor today for my weekly check up. 33 2/7 weeks -- and she said I had to stay pregnant. I asked her again if she could take this baby out, and once again she told me no. So I'm going to ask her again next week. Eventually I'll wear (not sure if this is the correct wear) her down and she'll take this baby out. I guess it's okay at the moment, I don't have much ready for the baby. I haven't washed her clothes yet and I haven't bought a Coming Home From the Hospital outfit. I don't even have any diapers either. My big plan for the weekend besides, Father's Day and Husbands birthday are to get a little more ready for the Babe, or Butch as KM calls her.

I suppose I should at the very least make a list of things I want at the hospital. That way, I have a list to go off of for packing, or I can make Husband do it. I also need to have Husband make the changing table. He's probably waiting for me to design it first.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2008-06-09T15:54:00.003-04:00

This is the sound of me sleeping at my desk. I am tired today and don't want to work. Lucky for me, there is nothing super pressing that needs to be done. So I can putt around and do things very slowly. I just want to curl up and take a nap. It was a busy weekend with lots of walking around and I am spent. I felt like there was no Saturday to my weekend. Thank God for my mom. She came down yesterday and kept an eye on KM while I did some shopping. She also did my laundry, did my dishes, cleaned the laundry room and kitchen. She is so fantastically wonderful. What I usually do when she's around is take a nap, but yesterday there just wasn't time. BLAST!

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment AGAIN. But the good news of that is, I get to sleep in a bit. My doctor is busy, so usually the earliest I can get an appointment for is 9 or 9.30. Which means almost an extra hour of sleep for me. That is unless KM decides to wake up early. He will then come and crawl in to bed with me and snuggle while daddy turns on the cartoons. So at the very least I don't have to get out of bed to parent him!

Today my feet feel like they don't fit in my shoes. I don't know if I'm retaining water, or if they are swollen from the amount of walking or if they are just as tired as the rest of me. All I know, is that it hurts a little. They are a little tingly. I need my husband to rub them.

I went for a pedicure on Saturday strictly for them to rub my feet. The painted toes were nice, but I go for the massage. I went to a new place and it was awful. I should have waited at my usual place, but I was impatient and now am paying the price. It was only $10.00 cheaper. My usual place has a "delux" pedicure, which is what I get. The other place didn't And the massage sucked. I don't know if she was trying to be nice and gentle since I am pregnant, but I have been getting cramps in my legs and I really wanted them to massage the cramp out. NOTHING! I am really kicking myself. From now on, only to the place I know.

Now off to put my feet up and take a nap.

This what it looks like to be 80 months pregnant.

2008-06-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

I know what you're thinking -- GOOD LORD SHE'S GONNA POP ANY MINUTE! However, that is not the case, and I am actually not due for another 8 weeks. I may die between now and then.

I don't remember having this feeling with KM. I was big, but I didn't feel as "full." I am out of room to eat and breath. This baby must be about 22 pounds already. According to the ultrasound from 2 weeks ago, she was already 4 lbs 7oz then. This is 2 weeks later and if she's keeping up with the Joneses, she's about 5 and half pounds. They say after week 31 they gain about a half a pound per week. Seriously, I don't have room for 4-5 more pounds of baby. I ask her everyday if she'll move out. Then when she doesn't listen I yell at her to GET OUT! Still nothing. If this is what the next 18 years will be like, I'm in for a rough ride, and I might as well keep her inside. At least she doesn't talk back to me in there.

People keep asking me if I'm done since we'll have both a boy and a girl. I tell them to ask me again in 2 years when I forget how much I HATE being pregnant. Husband says we're done! He says he's tired of listening to me complain and that he can't go through this one more time. I tell him that when it's his uterus, he can make all the decisions he wants, but since it's mine I'll decide when we're done. :) I think I'll need to make up my mind before we get pregnant with another if that is my last one or not. I know if I do it after the fact, I'll feel like I didn't savor every minute of it. I am not a glowy happy pregnant girl. Either way, I'll complain thru it, but at least I'll know ahead of time, if this is the last time I'll do this.

Right now, I'm just looking forward to KM having a sister. He seems pretty excited we're having a baby. He lays on my tummy and 'hugs' her. He listens to see if he can hear her. He feels my belly when she kicks and gets a very excited look on his face, but doesn't say He's very gentle with my belly and will rub it when I say it hurts. Although, I think, he thinks we're having a boy. He keeps calling her Riley. He is so very gentle and peaceful and helpful with the baby at Wickty's house. She says he's not jealous at all and she thinks he'll do just fine. I'm a little more nervouse about him seeing me in the hospital. He was terrified of Husbands crutches from a few weeks ago. He wouldn't go near him to give him hugs. Luckily, I won't be in the hospital for ever, just long enough to scar him for life.

So until this baby decides to move out, I will be miserable. Too bad I can't be miserable and drunk!

KM the Construction Man

2008-06-03T15:47:00.000-04:00

Here is KM all dressed up and ready for work.

Saturday KM and Husband were working in the yard. They had all kinds of 'chores' to do. When Husband told KM they had work to do, KM corrected him and let him know that they had 'CHORES' to do. KM came in the house to get his hat and I set him down to put his shoes on the right feet. He quickly pointed out that his shoe was broken. The toe had a small hole in it. He said "That's cuz daddy and I are working too hard."

"Mommy, we went to the rock store." (also known as the green house to get rock.)

"We went to the gum ball store too." (also known as ACE Hardware.)

Husband and KM were digging up some grass to put down fabric and rock instead. They had all the grass dug out and asked me to come and look at it. Then they went to the Gum Ball Store to get fabric to put down. It was KM's job to hand Husband the poker poker's (the stakes that hold down the fabric). KM didn't understand what the poker's and the fabric were for. He thought it was kind of a like a game. He kept poking them anywhere he wanted in the fabric making lots of holes for weeds to grow though. Finally I explained to him that the poker's only go on the outside. He would then line up 4-5 pokers along the edge in one spot. A little over kill, but at least the middle was finally hole free. This is after we had to put down 2-3 layers of fabric because the one under for some reason had holes in it.

Rain Rain Go Away -- Hail Hail Come Today!

2008-06-02T14:31:00.004-04:00

This is my goofy monkey. He's explaining what Uncle Jake does when you put the 'snow balls' in his shirt. Memorial weekend we got a big hail storm at home. Most people hate it when bad weather comes their way. Husband on the other hand was praying for more. With every 'snow ball' that hit the ground we heard Cha-Ching! Insurance work is good for construction companies.

We had a lot of fun watch KM after the storm passed and he was out in the yard. He kept picking them up and putting them in people's shirts or pants. He thought it was so very funny to watch them wiggle and giggle.

I like the last picture. KM decided to dress himself before he went outside. He needed a 'coat' so he put on a short sleeved hawaiian shirt! Plus he has his boots on with shorts. He is so very cute.

How rich will I be?

2008-05-19T14:31:00.002-04:00

13,369,585
How much money will you be worth?

This was kind of fun. Take it for yourself here.

The questions are pretty goofy, but it is only 15 questions long.

OOOO-BOOB

2008-05-14T14:14:00.004-04:00

OOOOOO (as in OOOO, AAHHH) - BOOB -- this is KM's word for boobs, mine, daddy's or his. One day I was putting him in the truck and he tells me, "Mommy, you hurt my oooo-boob." I almost tipped over from laughing. Where does he come up with this stuff? This morning I was holding him on my lap telling him that we needed to get going and he pulls out my shirt at the neck and looks down it. "Mommy, you don't have no oooo-boobs." Then he reached his hand down it and started laughing -- "OOOO-BOOB!" He's such a goonie-heimer!

Maybe that's where he gets it! Amma and I are constantly making up words for things. Ish-ta-la-gook-a-la -- Amma's word for a dirty diper, or doopa's -- as in "we need to change your doopa's" (also a poopy diaper). However, I can't take credit for this one, Vicki claims the rights to this. Goonie-toonie -- pretty much anytime I don't really know what to say to him, I make up a new word. Which is a lot of fun when he tries to repeat them.

Yesterday we opened my Mother's day present, and I got a Cram-er-a. That's right a Cram-er-a. On our way home he asked me if we were going to stop and get sss-ram-riches, smam-rich, sam-rich -- no matter how you cut it, he can not say sandwich, and I think it's hilarious. I ask him all the time about sandwiches so that he'll say it.

I love the way he says everything lately, both in pronunciation and in general talking. He wants to talk about EVERYTHING. We can have a 10 minute discussion on why the tree has nuts on it. He asks a lot of why questions lately and I'm trying to give him actual answers, instead of "I don't know." But some days my mind doesn't work, so then I make something up. Or I tell him to ask someone else, daddy, Amma, Vicki. One day he'll stop talking to me, so I'll miss this stage. Man O Man do I love that kid!

With friends like these, who needs enemies...

2008-05-09T09:55:00.003-04:00

Our "friends" are still jerking us around on some money they owe us. We can't figure out why either. J & K had Husband re-steel their shed. It was insurance work and none of the money was coming out of their pocket. And because Husband had to race over there one day when the insurance agent was coming out, J & K got an extra probably $20,000.00. They wouldn't have gotten this amount had it not been for Husbands sweet talking. So he bid the job like he would any other and got it. He did them a big favor in the whole deal. They got their first check probably a month before Husband even started. Then Husband did the work and turned in a invoice. This was well over a month ago, close to 2 months ago. Still we've seen half the money. THAT'S RIGHT, HALF OF THE MONEY THEY WERE PAID BEFORE HE EVEN STARTED. We've tried calling and being nice, but in the end they (J & K) play good cop/bad cop. When you talk to one, they have to talk to the other one. I swear neither one of them know what the fuck is going on in their business. When they did actually pay us half of it, they acted like somehow, they were doing us a big favor by even giving us half. Excuse me, didn't Husband do the work for you? Didn't he save you some money? Didn't he save you some hassle and get the job done right away like he said he would? And you are going to pretend like you are doing US a favor? FUCK OFF!

Recently we also found out that they are pregnant and due in the fall. Nice friends, they didn't even bother to call and tell us that. I guess I don't care really. They are going to make crappy parents. They will be worse than any helicopter parents you've ever met. I know I've said I'm done with their friendship and I don't want or need it any more so why care that they didn't call? It's because they don't really know that I'm done with them. I have been trying to play nice so that we can get the other half of our money. If it were anyone else, they would have paid them. But they think we don't need the money. IT'S NOT UP TO YOU TO DECIDE IF WE NEED THE MONEY OR NOT! Remember -- you're not part of our family and don't know what kind of bills and expenses we have each month. You don't know what that money will be used for, so who are you to decide if we really need it or not.

I also think that they spent it on other things so they no longer have it. They came over at the beginning of April and we had dinner (I'll let you guess who cooked) and they spent quite a bit of time telling us about the new dump trucks they bought for the business. (The pole shed is company property, not personal.) They also were telling us about the new truck they bought for J's brother and how they spent so much money on it, that when you look at it, all you can see it dollar signs. Hmmm, I wonder where our money went? It's funny too, because about a year ago, all J could talk about was how stupid it is to own your own dump truck. (My boss has 3 of them). "There's no money in it. It's cheaper to hire someone else. What you don't realize is how much upkeep they are," and so on. Now, conveniently enough, they just bought 2. J will find any reason to put someone else down just to make himself look/feel better.

I just feel like every time they get a chance, they try to screw us. Even in simple ways. Like when we go on vacation with them to Florida and we rent a house, EVERY time they take the biggest and nicest bedroom. Don't you think once in a while we could all trade and take turns? Nope, J is entitled to it somehow. I think he sends someone ahead and has his name engraved.

I'm just tired of it. Looking back, I wonder why we put up with so much when we were getting so little back. I'm on my way to their side of the world for something different, but am going to call to see if they have our check. Probably not, but I'm tired of waiting. It's time to be persistent.

*** UPDATE *** I have some new news from this whole fiasco, but am so irritated right now that I can't even type it. Let's just say that Husband is a rock star. He handled himself very well, didn't get angry or yell or swear. He can be so professional. Me on the other hand, I wanted to punch K in the face or the vagina! -- I don't care if she's pregnant. She deserves it for her underhanded way of handling this. I will NEVER speak to them again. I don't care how often I see them. As far as I'm concerned, they can die a slow painful death. This is not how you treat people or "friends" and karma will come around one day and bitch slap them. (Hopefully in the vagina!)

Super Potty

2008-05-08T09:56:00.003-04:00

We have been trying (not really hard, and unsuccessfully) to potty train KM. He will talk about it and tell us that he has to go potty, but when we ask him if he wants to go and sit on the potty he says NO. Then he'll tell us that he has "poopy stinks" and asks "Mommy will you change me?" He's just so cute when he does it that I can't say no.

They have been going out side at day care. Since it's so nice out, they play for a long time. But when Vicki asks if he has to go potty, he pitches a bucky fit and screams bloody murder. She even tells him that he gets to go back outside when he's done and he doesn't have to take his shoes off. Still, Nothing. So I had the genius idea yesterday of bringing the Super Potty to Vicki's. It's the little potty we got from Uncle Leo. KM was fantastic at using it one Sunday. He went pee 7 or 8 times that day with little prompting from me. I think it helped that I let him wear his big boy pantylooners (underwear). The problem is, he's not good enough at it yet to send him to Vicki's house in them. Gupa tried that last week, and KM made it about 10 minutes before he had wet pants. So today we are going to try the Super Potty. I thought maybe if he doesn't even have to go inside to go potty, maybe that would help. I'll be interested to see how he does. He's so close. He knows when he has to go, and he's not afraid to sit on the potty. But still, he would rather go in his diaper. I've tried lots and lots of bribing. Candy when he goes, 2 candies when he asks and then goes. I told him when he learns to go all the time we'll go to the store and he can pick out a toy. He's been asking for a Transformer. So when he learns to go, we'll go and get one. But still, even with all the bribing and incentives it's just not enough to tip the scale.

Maybe this weekend we'll have some time to work on it. We're having low key family weekend. You know the boring kind where you clean the house and do laundry. And since it's Mother's day on Sunday, we're going out to brunch then home for more nothing. He really likes wearing the panty-wooners. He feels like a really big boy. Maybe this what we need to focus on. That and more treats!

Arizona -- The Grand Canyon State

2008-05-07T09:43:00.001-04:00

Or what I would like to refer to as the most wonderful state ever! OK, maybe not ever, but we did have a great time. Very relaxing, even though we were only there for 5 days. I would go back again. The area we stayed in was really nice, Chandler AZ.

It was a little weird being there with a bunch of guys. 7 guys and myself. Not that out of the ordinary since they are all our friends from back home. It's just that when we normally hang out, there is at least 1 other girl there. Oh well, doesn't bother me. What does bother me is when a friend of ours gets drunk, he acts like a total ass. I have know Brian since we were in 6th grade. We were in the same class and we hung out all the time. Along with 2 other friends, we were kind of the 'brat pack'. We'd look for ways to get in trouble, or better yet, get things that we didn't really deserve.

In our 6th grade classroom, there was a couch. It was really cool. None of the other teachers had a couch, or a tee pee. If you weren't feeling well, or were extra awesome that day, you'd get to sit on the couch. You would also get to bring one person along with you. This was the same for the tee pee, if you were awesome. The 4 of us would scheme to get to sit on the couch or the tee pee everyday. Most days it was either Brian and Ryan or Amanda and I on the couch/in the tee pee. How much trouble could we cause really, we were in 6th grade. But we did our best to get the best every day. Sitting in the tee pee meant sitting on the floor, but for some reason, that was SO MUCH COOLER than sitting at our desk.

Anyways, I've know him for the better part of my life and we have always been good friends. When we were in Sioux Falls for a wedding last fall, we all went out for Halloween. He got really drunk and started fighting with one of our other friends. This is nothing new. If one of our evenings doesn't end up in a fight, we haven't really done our job. So he was pissed. We left the bar, and I was asking him what happened. I wasn't looking to take sides, the fights are always over something stupid. But he wouldn't talk to me or tell me anything. Finally he turned to Husband and said "She better shut her mouth! She doesn't talk to me! I'm not fucking talking to her!" None of it was directed at me, all the Husband. Kind of like 'you better check your woman!' Whatever drunky!

Same thing in AZ. We were on our way home from a wedding that had been going on all day. We got to the church at 1, left at 2 for the reception. The took pictures after the ceremony, so we had about 4 hours to kill while waiting for the wedding party to be done. We went and ate then bellied up to the bar. Cocktail hour, dinner, more open bar and pretty soon it's Midnight. It was time for me to drive everyone one. Fuck around, fuck around, everyone was in the car ready to go. Except for Brian. He was standing around trying to pick up girls from the wedding (keep in mind he has a girlfriend of 3.5 years). Finally we get him to get in the car so we can leave (and so he doesn't have to take a cab), and we are on our way back to the hotel. Everyone was pretty much done for the night. Brian wanted to go to the bar still. I told him, we're going back to the hotel first, then I'll take you to the bar. It was already almost 1:00am. He gets pissy and calls a cab company and tells them meet us at so and so hotel, "Our friend won't take us to the bar." I'm sorry, WHAT?! I said I'd take you, but most everyone else wanted to go back to the hotel. He was just being a douche bag about it. The rest of the guys couldn't thank me enough for driving them back. They had a ride, it didn't cost them anything and they were safe and sound. Brian on the other hand, he acts like he's a god. Then I find out later, when he was re-telling the story, he makes me look like an ass. You know what, I can make you look like an ass too when I tell your girlfriend that you had sex with one of the bridesmaids in the hotel bathroom. Or about the time he picked up a random chick at our Christmas party and had sex with her too, at the hotel. How about that pal! Fuck off. When he's sober, he's smart and intelligent and can be a very nice guy. Let him have a few cocktails and he's such an arrogant prick. The problem is I'll never be away from him and his shit. His brother is the godfather of our new baby. We LOVE his brother. I just wish Brian would see that his drinking needs to slow down and he needs to start growing up.

I do believe in karma, and since he's been such a shit to his girlfriend, I know one day he'll get his. It will come back around.

Until then, I'll be planning another trip back to AZ. I need some more sunshine!

The fear of God...

2008-05-07T09:12:00.000-04:00

KM had the fear of God put in him last week. We went out to eat with my dad, step-mom and the boys. After dinner, which was like trying to teach monkeys to fly, we headed out to the parking lot to say good bye. The boys (including KM) were wild as usual. KM and Leo started running out into the part of the parking lot where people drive, (we were standing in a handicap spot). Luckily the lady ready to back out saw them, and stopped. However, KM didn't bother to listen when I was running after him yelling, "KM STOP! KM GET OVER HERE! KM STOP! KM STOP, STOP RUNNING!" I finally caught up with him, he was half way around the building. Not only am I too pregnant to run at all, I'm to pregnant to have to run that fast to catch a 3 year old who doesn't want to listen. Normally he's a very good listener, especially in a parking lot. We have talked a lot about how dangerous they can be. When he stopped running from he, he said he was being a "race car driver". Which sort of made sense, the going fast and all. It still didn't get him off the hook for not listening.

On our drive home, I was trying to tell him the importance of listening to his mother when she says stop. I said the cars won't see you because you're little (meaning short). He just started crying saying "I'm not little, I'm big!" So I had to re-phrase, and teach him a new word, Short. Which he still didn't totally understand. But what he now understands is that when we are in a parking lot he is to stand by the truck until I say it's time to go. Then we hold hands and walk together. And if he doesn't listen to me when I say stop, what happens? "I get a spanking." And if you run out in to the parking lot, "I get a spanking."

I am not one to beat my kids (well most days!). However, I grew up with spankings. I think that they can get your attention enough so that you remember you don't want to repeat that behavior. I threaten more spankings than I could ever hand out, and when he does get a swat on the butt, it's through his diaper so I know it doesn't hurt him, but it gets his attention, which is exactly what I want. He remembers what it is that he did to get a spanking and has yet to repeat any of those behaviors.

I know he won't forget that day anytime soon. Whenever we get in a parking lot and are getting out I ask him what the rules are and he knows everyone. I'm just lucky that lady saw him and I running and stopped and waited for us. She even opened her door to ask me if she could back out, as to not run over any children. Maybe those prayers I have been saying to watch over our family are really getting to the Big Guy upstairs, maybe he really does hear me. Either way, I'm glad KM got the fear of God put in to him that day, and not something far worse.

ASS

2008-04-28T16:10:00.001-04:00

I feel like ass today. My friend Chooch thinks I'm in labor. I don't really think so, but will call the doctor later. I'll finish my post about KM another time and post it.

Until then, I'm hoping for death!

We're all a bunch of goonies

2008-04-24T15:28:00.000-04:00

She doesn't like to touch her own hair once it has fallen out of her head. It makes her gag.

It drives him crazy if they forgot to deliver his mail.

She doesn't like sharing a hand towel with her younger brother, but her husband is okay.

He talks in terms of days, "I can't wait for 7-10 days until my credit card gets here!", "Has it been 7-10 days?"

She will clean her bathroom once a week.

He won't put his hands in the dirt, and doesn't like it when they have anything on them.

She doesn't like to shower because she doesn't like wet hair.

He'll shower a few times a day sometimes.

She doesn't mind doing laundry, but hates putting the clothes away.

She would rather load the dishwasher than unload it.

He will be your best friend until he is threatened by you, then you are the dumbest person alive. You couldn't possibly know as much as he does.
She will never call you unless you have called her first.
He will complain about his steak because "it's not like I make at home."

(Writing style borrowed from Stephanie. If she wants me to remove this post, I'd be glad to.)

Can't wait!

2008-04-23T10:50:00.004-04:00

I am really looking forward to the few days off I'll get next week. We are heading to sunny Arizona for a wedding. We get in on Wednesday and fly out on Sunday. Thursday will be a day all to my self as the boys are going golfing for the bachelor party. Friday is the wedding and Saturday is Husband/wife day.

I was debating on if I should go or not and then I remember that with the baby coming soon, this will be the last time I get to leave the house for a while. So I thought I better hurry up and enjoy the vacation time before I don't get any.

So in the mean time, I have to pack for 3, and shop. I knew this was coming up for a while, but like every trip we take, I wait until the last minute to get ready. So Tuesday night, I'll pack the suitcases. I did think that maybe I should do the laundry this weekend, and maybe pick up the house so when we come back it's sort of clean. KM is having Uncle Leo over on Saturday. I told KM that we could make some cookies. I am secretly hoping he doesn't remember, but if he does it will be okay. I think Husband will be around so he can help.

Total side note: KM gets cuter everyday. This morning he told me, "Mom, you are really pregnant." I asked him what that means and he said "It means your belly is full."

I have big plans of writing more with all this alone time. I have 2 books I'm reading and am really into. So wish me luck. I have finally gotten my writing books (for lack of a better term) squared away. They are my books/journals that I write things down in. Before they were a mish-mash of a little bit of everything in every book. Now they actually have a PURPOSE, and each book has a TOPIC. I know, how very exciting for you to read about. Well, it will be one day when I finally get my crap together.

You need a license to drive, but not to breed?!

2008-04-22T09:54:00.005-04:00

Last night I had to go to a driving class. I was pulled over for speeding, and instead of making me pay the full ticket amount, they let me take a driving class. The class is 2 hours long and is $75.00. I'm sure the ticket would have been at least $130.00. Saved some money, but the nice part is after the class is over, as long as you stayed until the end, the shred your ticket and it doesn't go on your record. These are some of the comments I had to put up with during the 2 hours.

Stupid Human #1-So if you have whiskey plates can they pull you over?
Officer Butch -- If you are speeding, or something than yes we can pull you over. Do we pull you over just for having whiskey plates? No.
SH #1 -- Oh, really. You can still get pulled over with whiskey plates.
(This dumb ass thought that if you had whiskey plates, for some reason it gives you a year pass at not being pulled over).

SH #2 -- Did you know that in Arizona when you renew your license it's good for 30 years?
(This doesn't sound so stupid, until you know that we weren't even talking about licenses, or renewals or anything closely related. He just felt the need to tell everyone.)

SH #3 -- How come when you pull people over, you don't pull them over in to a parking lot or something?
(We were discussing the Tom Foss Law -- a law that protects officers who have people pulled over on the side of the road. It says, if there is a lane available, drivers MUST move over a lane to give the officer more room. Tom Foss was killed on the road side while he had someone pulled over.)
OB -- Um, because we are not driving the other vehicle.
SH #3 -- Well, why don't you tell them to pull over somewhere else.
OB -- Sometimes we are on the freeway and there isn't a parking lot, plus we don't have control over where they pull over.
SH #3 -- Cuz when I pull over, I pull WAY over, I mean like, WAY over to the side of the road, like in the ditch almost. I really mean WAY over. It just seems like it would be a good idea if you pulled them over somewhere else.
(What dip shit #3 doesn't quite get is that Officer Butch, or any officer is not actually driving the other car as well, so when someone pulls over to the side of the road, he doesn't' get to chose where they pull over.)

SH #3 (again) -- {Really loud} I'VE SEEN THIS ONE, THE GUY ENDS UP IN THE BACKSEAT.
(Great, no one gives a rat's ass that you have seen this 30 second clip!)

SH #4 -- My son came home from school and they told him that if he gets pulled over and he has his cell phone on him, and it's in his pocket, but it's turned on, the officer can ask to see it and give him a ticket.
OB -- If we pull him over for something, we'll give him a ticket for that, we're not going to ask to see his cell phone. We can't prove that it was on or off. Plus we don't care. If he was taking on it, then we can ticket him for that because he's under 18.

I swear the dumber just keep getting dumber. I was ready to strangle someone at the end of the class. Did you all get together and see who could come up with the dumbest questions to ask during class to make it as miserable as possible?? The class really wouldn't have been bad without all the douche bags asking stupid questions and making stupid comments. Next time, I'll seriously consider paying the whole ticket, just to keep my sanity.

Could have been weird...

2008-04-21T11:15:00.002-04:00

Growing up in a small town, everyone pretty much dated everyone, and if you didn't actually date them, then you knew all about their relationship anyways.

We went to a birthday party on Saturday and pregnancy brain is officially in force. Not for one second did I think about who would or would not be at the party. Well I really should have thought about it so that I was totally blindsided when we got there and realized that Husbands ex-girlfriend was there. They dated for about 6 years in high school and after -- but that was about 6 years ago. We can be polite people and not make a scene at a 3 year old's birthday party, so for the most part we steered clear of her. But man o' man was I happy that Husband decided to go to this party. Normally this is something I would do all on my own, and I'm okay with that. When we got there, I went to set the present down and Husband and KM went to play on the jungle gym. The birthday party was at the park. As he was walking up the hill, he thought to himself "Oh shit, Ex-Girlfriend his here." I was shortly behind him, and had the exact same thought when I saw her. I think she said hello to Husband, but ex-girlfriend and I didn't talk. We went back down the hill to eat and have cake, then afterwards back up the hill to play. I really think it was bugging her that I was there with him (Husband) and our wonderfully cute child, and pregnant. If she didn't think we were having sex before, now she KNOWS for sure.

We were such the cute family. Playing on the jungle gym, flying our kite, blowing bubbles, digging in the sand, riding the marry-go-round while Husband pushed us. It was disgusting how cute we were. And the whole time I think it was just reminding her that her husband was not there, and he was not as good as mine. {Petty much?! Yup, that's me.}

Then later after we left, I told Husband how glad I was that he came, and we talked about her for a minute. I thought she was married, but couldn't remember. I guess she is. Then we talked about her kid. Her daughter is cute enough I guess, but Husband said "she's not nearly as cute as ours." I busted out laughing because I was TOTALLY thinking the same thing at the park but would never say it out loud, at least not before someone else did. I know every parent thinks there kid is the cutest, but ours would totally win over hers! Yup, we are also shallow people.

I know life is not a competition, and I'm sure she's perfectly happy. But really I know she's not, because when she was leaving the party I heard her say she was going to drop off her daughter then she was going out to get drunk. That her husband was "on duty" or "in charge" for the night, and I could just tell by the tone in her voice that things were not that great.

When husband and I decide to get drunk because we need to drink to put up with KM some days, we drink together. We go out together. Some of our best conversations have been after a few cocktails, in our driveway at 1am after KM was in bed. I don't drink to get away from him, and I know he doesn't drink to get away from me.

It's just funny how life was so much more complicated back in high school than it is now. Ex-girlfriend always hated me because she thought I wanted Husband back then. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. I had a boyfriend and I was happy. Husband and I were just friends. It's just interesting how all these years later, we are married and happy and welcoming one more monkey to the group soon. I just never would have pictured this 6 years ago, but I am glad it's going this way, and can't wait to see where we go next.

This is not what friends are for

2008-04-01T09:51:00.000-04:00

We have these friends. The used to be good friends of ours, but now, not so much. They used to come over for dinner a few times a week. We used to have so much fun with them. But the more I started looking at our friendship, we were the ones doing everything. We always had to do the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, the paying. When they would come over for dinner the husband J, would sit on the couch at our house and watch TV. If we wanted to talk to him we had to go into the living room. My husband would run back and forth from the house to the garage to do the grilling. Never would J ask if he could help with anything, or even tag along to talk to Husband while he was grilling. Only after everything was done and it was about 5 minutes from eating would he say "do you need anything?"

Twice, I think, he made us Chef salads, he specialty. Mean while we were all in the kitchen helping and preparing. He was not the only one out there. I would not sit in the living room and watch TV while he did the cooking. We were all helping. But he would make sure to tell us a few times how much they had spent at the store on groceries.

His wife K was helpful when it came to dishes. She was not much of a cook, but would always sit in the kitchen and at the very least talk to me. She would help with what she could, or what I asked her to do. And she always did the dishes when we were done. She would volunteer to do them. It was a nice break, but J would head straight back to the couch.

He would also spend the better part of every evening putting my family down. What a bunch of "losers". He is friends with my brother (my brother was the best man in his wedding). He would hear things about my dad, and he would always have to put his 2 cents in, but it was never anything nice.

And then lately, we haven't been hanging out with them, but Husband did go on a trip with them. Most of the trip was good, except the last few days. J had to put Husband down and tell him that he doesn't know anything about building. Husband has been building since he was born pretty much. He has been working with his dad since he was about 11 or 12 and been doing it on his own since he was about 19. He knows more about building than J could ever possibly know, but J insist that he knows more. His famous words "what you don't realize is.....". Some how in J's existence (he's 27) he became and expert on EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. He knows more about building and laptops and buying houses and well everything than anyone else. He will tell you everything you need to know, even though he really doesn't have a clue. He doesn't even know the business he's in very well.

We had him help us with our yard last year when we put it in. It seemed like it would work out fairly well for us. He had a lot of equipment we could use, his mom owns a green house and we could re-pay it with work done on his house. But he ended up costing us money. When he went to measure for our sod (keep in mind, Husband and I have put in a yard before, we owned another house that needed sod and rock) and he ordered way to much. He had to use his fancy wheel measuring deal-y. I have no idea what they are called, but I think they are stupid and for lazy people. They are clearly not very accurate and if you use your brain and a survey, it would have been right on. He also had to have his nose in where we got it from. Even though we didn't ask him to. I had a place lined up with a good price for sod, and a deal on delivery. Instead they (J & K) had to call me and tell me where to get it how much it was and when they could deliver it. And, IT HAS TO BE ORDERED IN LIKE AN HOUR, so we could get delivery by Friday. So they ordered it at a higher price, with too much sod. In the end it cost us an extra $300.00 for the sod itself, the price difference between their guy and my guy and another $300.00 because he ordered too much that couldn't be used. With their help our yard cost us an extra $600.00. That would have paid for quite a bit of plants or part of the deck we want to put up. Great friends I know.

The point is, I'm tired of being friends with people who aren't putting as much effort in to the friendship as I am. I'm the only one that calls K, she NEVER calls me. I just don't feel like I'm getting that much out of chasing them. It's really a one sided friendship. I haven't talked to her in about a month. She's a great person, good listener and very flexible to what I want to do, but I just can't keep spending all this time on her when I don't get much back.

J is arrogant. He is smarter than everyone, just ask him, he'll tell you. He thinks he's such a big shot, but he doesn't have it all figured out. He treats his family like shit, and if it weren't for his dad, I don't know what he would do. He dad owns the company he works for, but J pretends to run it and then talks down to his dad like J was the one who built the company and doesn't even need his dad. It's irritating to listen to.

I guess, in my old age :), I've come to the realization that, I don't need people like that in my life. I don't need to keep them around, just because we have been friends for a while. I have other friends, Better friends. I'm okay with not hanging out with them. I'm okay taking to my other friends about my problems or whatever. I'm moving on.

He's so cute

2008-03-31T11:51:00.003-04:00

Things KM has said to me in the past week:

This morning we walked outside and it was snowing, he said, "Look Mommy, the sparkles. The sparkles are in the sky."

Friday, March 21, he asked me if I would call the Easter Bunny.
I said sure, what do you want me to ask him.
He said, ask him if he'll fix our CARS (movie).
I said anything else?
He said, ask him if he'll fix our Lion King.
I said, it's not broken and doesn't need to be fixed.
Ok, then ask him if he'll fix our CARS and bring it to our house.(And luckily enough, that Easter Bunny, not only came to our house, he brought us a NEW CARS movie.)
I then picked up the phone to call Amma to see what time she would be over to pick up KM, she didn't answer so I just hung up and he asked me -- Mom, was that the Easter Bunny?
No, it was Amma.
Oh, you call the Easter Bunny.
I said I would later -- he was busy making Easter baskets.
Oh, ok.

Mom, I have to go with Grandpa. We have business to do.

This morning when the alarm went off, KM was sleeping in bed with me and he rolled over and hit the snooze button, but before that he made a huge groan. Like he had been waking up to this alarm clock, EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE AND HE JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He is far to young to know that, that is what he has to look forward to.

Mommy, you have a little fat belly.
I asked him what I keep in there, mostly he says "a baby" with this weird mischievous tone and smile (like daddy doesn't know about it), but yesterday I asked him what I keep in there and he said "SNACKS".

KM Video

2008-03-31T11:22:00.000-04:00

KM from about a year ago. My sister taped this. And since I am so computer savvy, and really into detail -- I rotated it for you. You're welcome. Ok, I'm just lazy and don't feel like it.

Enjoy! I have watched this about 50 times. He's just so darned cute!!

I am not good at this

2008-01-23T14:35:00.000-05:00

I am really no good at keeping up on this. Even though I think about it almost daily. Then I find something else that needs to be done and don't come back to make a post.

Life has been, well life lately. Nothing overly exciting going on. I am pregnant, which most people would find pretty exciting, I however, and keeping it low key for now. We've been through this before where it did not end well and I am trying not to get my hopes up. At least not just yet. Plus I have been feeling very yucky every night, and it's hard to be excited about that. Due at the end of July, right about Amma's birthday as a matter of fact. Guess I can cross "Buy Amma's birthday present" off my list!! Husband has been great. He takes good care of me when I feel like ASS. KM has been his normally cute self. He has his moments of driving me CRAZY, but then he tells me that I'm his best fwend and I guess I can forgive him one more time!

His latest thing is to tell me that I am a bad singer, and then ask me to sing him his favorite song, The Big Cow Song. So I do, because that's what mom's do.

We are in the middle of big life decisions that need to be made and we are having a very hard time with it. We know what we want to do, but there is always the money factor. We have a bit of time before we HAVE to decide, but it would be nice to be done and moved on with this before the baby arrives.

And as always, I am still hoping to write that book. I know seems silly, what do I have to write a book about? I think my life is sort of interesting and I have lived and learned a lesson or two about a couple of topics. But does that mean anyone else will want to read my book, or think it's worth publishing? And do I write all my stuff in one book, or could I be interesting enough for more than one book? And on top of all that, how would I even go about finding someone who wants to publish said book? And even if I did find someone who wants to publish it, since I am so fantastic at keeping up on the writing thing (ahem, see this blog), would I ever actually write it and be done with it? I guess I get my self sort of excited when I ready Stephanie's blog, Greek Tragedy. She is publishing her 2nd book and it will be out in May. It was only this past September I believe that she had finished with her rough draft. She makes it seems so simple and easy, and I think to my self, "I could do that." But, alas, here I am, not writing on this blog or on a book that I would hope one day to publish. So for now, I'll just keep keeping the notes that I have been and hopefully it will one day write it self in to a book.

Until that day happens, I'm going to once again, try harder to post more.

Mother of the Year -- Not Me

2007-11-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

This morning I yelled at KM. I mean really lost my temper and yelled at him. To be honest, I was provoked. We were driving to day care, and out of no where, he whips his sippy cup at me. With out even thinking, I turned around and yelled "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Then I slapped his hand and told him that he was going to get a spanking. And you know what he did? He didn't cry or laugh or seem scared at all, he made this GRRRing sound.

Which this just proves to me, that I am in fact (and going to admit it here) a bad mother. I'm the mother who yells at their kid too much, so much in fact that when I do yell, it doesn't even phase him. I have been short on patience lately and taking it out on him. I know, I should not be doing that. I have tried, walked away when he gets my blood boiling because he will not get out of bed. Instead of yelling, I tried going to the kitchen to get his milk so it would be ready. Then I come back and he still will not get out of bed, so I go and put my shoes on and he will still not get out of bed. Then I spend some time getting his clothes together and yet still he will NOT GET OUT OF BED. I usually try to wake him up slowly, so he has time to get going in the morning with out having to hit the ground running, but he does it to test me. I know what he's doing and it's driving me crazy. The only thing that will get him out of bed is for me to pretend that I'm leaving with out him. I'll admit, I've done this a few times and I'm not proud of it. I don't want him to ever think that I would leave him behind. But desperate times call for desperate measures I guess. I have been racking my brain for a better way but nothing. So until I can come up with something better, I guess I'll have to keep pretending that I will leave him behind. Nothing like adding to the damage that I have already done.

Bad Day

2007-11-12T14:17:00.000-05:00

Husband and I just can not get on the same page this last week. He has been the grouchiest I have ever seen him. He somehow doesn't really think there is anything wrong with his behavior. I on the other hand have stopped talking to him because of it. I have also stopped sleeping with him because of it. If you want to be that grouchy and mean, then I will have nothing to do with you until you apologize for being so grouchy and mean. Our computer crashed and this apparently is a reason to act like a teething 1 year old.

We can't even talk to each other. Last night I was trying to help him fix what I could on the computer and it escalated in to us getting a divorce. Yes I said divorce over a computer. No I don't think we will actually get divorced, but when he gets mad and angry and pouty and stompy feet, he throws out the d-word. I used to scare me, thinking that we would actually get divorced because we couldn't agree on what to watch on TV. But now I know I can call his bluff and ignore him. He hates this. So he called me this morning, looking for a favor, still didn't apologize for his crabbiness, but he had to call me. This is a step in the right direction, which is to see things my way.

Our friends came over on Friday night for my birthday. All of us went to eat except for Husband and the guy that works for him. They stayed home. All of the friends also noticed how unbearable he was. Which frankly, made me feel a whole lot better. At least I wasn't the only one to see it. I don't understand him, and I really don't care to at this point in the fight. All I want is for him to say "I'm sorry I was an ASS, a major ASS." Then we can get back on with our lives.

Lots Of Things About Me

2007-11-08T15:36:00.001-05:00

I love the way a new box of Crayola Crayons smells.
I don't like rice crispys bars or marshmellows.
I waited until I was 18 years old to have sex for the first time.
I HATE tuna fish. I once threw up an entire can of it in Perkins, and haven't eaten it since. I was 6 at the time.
I love all 80's music.
I once spent 2 weeks trying to find the $0.05 mistake in my checkbook so that it would balance.
I love to cook but hate to do the dishes.
My husband proposed to me while driving down the road, smoking a cigarette.
I love red roses and lilacs.
I believe in fate & karma. Things happen for a reason.
I only drink ice tea in the summer months. It's summer drink.
I love to watch baseball and football. I'd rather watch them on TV, at home on the couch than in person.
The first time I ever got drunk was at a neighbor's graduation party. It was the summer before I went in to 8th grade. My dad took me home passed out.
I HATE when girls refer to their guy at "Mr. Big". There is only 1 Mr. Big and he was on Sex in the City.
I've had my license suspended for too many speeding tickets.
I owned my first home at 21.
I own chaps and wore them in Sturgis.
I have 5 brothers and 1 sister. My youngest brother is 1.5 years younger than my son.
I grew up on a farm and don't know how to drive a tractor, but know how to bail hay.
I used to clean new construction houses as a job in high school.
I have been to Mexico deep sea fishing and caught some Yellow Fin.
I moved to California when I was 19 for 4 months.
I have moved 10 times in 7 years.
I don't eat leftovers but will put them in the fridge anyways, just so I can throw them out later.
I used to mark my sox with nail polish so they were easy to match up when clean.
I like to drink my Morgan with Diet Coke, but will usually drink Diet Pepsi, if there is no Morgan in it.
I once sold all my Cd's and bought all Christian one to replace them.
I am a 34B.
I used to crash weddings in high school for something to do on weekends, so I could dance.
I am the calm one in a crisis.
I have met Chi Chi Rodriguez and have his autograph. He's very funny.
I love to scrapbook, but hardly ever do.
I will drive across country to move a family member and have done it several times. I LOVE A ROAD TRIP!
I have never broken a bone and my only stitches were for my C-section.
My parents got divorced when I was 8.
I love Chinese food.
Things I'm good at -- being a mom, organizing, budgeting, scrap booking, doing laundry, cooking and baking, balancing a checkbook.
I will drunkenly call you over and over and over again until you shut your phone off in the middle of the night, at which point I will keep calling and leaving you random songs on your voicemail. Because at 3 am I am a REALLY good singer.

Is it time for a new picture...

2007-11-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

I have been hesitant to put up pictures of myself or of KM on this site. I don't really know why. Sites like Dooce.com and Greek Tragedy.com do it all the time. I suppose I have some sick fear of someone finding me, and then killing me based off a picture I put up of KM in his Halloween costume. Seems strange I know. But then I also think of the sites listed about. They are doing fantastically well as far as readers, and from what I can tell they make a decent living with it too. Is this because the people who read their sites feel like the know them, because they have seen their faces? Do they want to come back every day to look at their faces? Do they want to read more because they have seen their faces? The world may never know. But I am thinking it may be time to come out of hiding. So if I can figure out a good way to post some pictures here (and by good, I mean easy), I will do it.

Update: As you can see, I caved. Enjoy!

Day 8, Post 6

2007-11-08T11:49:00.000-05:00

So I'm a little behind on this blogging thing for the NaBloPoMo. I'm a rookie and am not used to this rigorous schedule of blogging EVERY DAY. The computer fiasco of 2007 is somewhat behind us. We now have an external hard drive, have all of KM's baby pictures and are getting a new computer. The only thing we are still missing is the information on Quickbooks, but hopefully if we re-install the software it will come back. It looks like all the files are there, we just can't get to them until we re-install.

Go over to my NaBloPoMo page and check it out. Leave me a loving message. And what's the most fun of all this for me is that over there I tell you to come back here. It's like one of those blonde jokes, how do you keep a blonde busy all day? Give them a card that says "see other side" on both sides. ha ha ha ha ha

Now that you've heard the dumbest joke of the day... go over and check it out.

Doughnuts

2007-11-07T14:39:00.000-05:00

This morning KM took it upon himself to take the doughnuts out from under the desk at daycare and carry them downstairs under his chubby little arm, open them up and eat them. In his defense, he was not the only kid to do so. He had 2 accomplices. They each carried one package. If you're keeping track, that's 3 kids and 3 packages of doughnuts.

They thought it was SO VERY funny. They were laughing and giggling and carrying on as 2 and 3 year olds do. All of a sudden, Wickty (my day care lady/aunt) heard them and they were saying "doughnuts, doughnuts". This is not normally a word they say a lot. She went to investigate, and sure enough the little shits were knee deep in doughnuts.

I don't know how many they got down before she found them, but I'm going to guess at least 2 apiece. This is also not the first time she has found them huddled together eating things they should not be eating. On his last 2 (and first 2) birthdays -- I brought cupcakes to Wickty's house to share. The first year they only made a mess at the table because they were really to small to eat them carefully. But on his 2nd birthday, they (and I don't remember which they's exactly) managed to get them off the counter, and under Dabid's desk and half eaten before Wickty found them. MESSY! Frosting everywhere, and believe me I got a phone call about it. I told her she should have been watching him more closely.

NoBloMoPo -- Day 7

Posts -- 5

I'll try to catch up with 2 extra posts.

BIRTHDAY Update

2007-11-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

It has been a good day....

Free coffee this morning (Thanks Caribou!)

Lots of calls to wish me a "happy to you day"

Lunch with friends (who bought!)

Lots of laughs over a work thing -- it would take a long time to write, but it was really funny!

Leaving work early

Dinner with friends tonight.

I'm glad everything fell into place on a day all about me!

BIRTHDAY!!

2007-11-06T11:10:00.001-05:00

Today is my birthday and already I've had quite a few phone calls to wish me a happy one. This morning, Husband brought KM in to bed with me. Husband was leaving for work and KM was already up (he doesn't know that he can sleep in with the time change). So I got to have a few wonderful minutes with KM snuggled in beside me. He was warm and cuddly and even tickeled my back and sang me Happy Birthay. It was a fantastic way to wake up.

What I'm asking for: Husband to pay my speeding ticket. Strange I know, but if he pays it, I can spend the money on myself instead.

Dinner tonight with friends at home and then on Friday with friends and family out.

Why is it that when you have to work on your birthday it's a crying shame? Shouldn't it be like a national holiday that I was born and that I get to do whatever it is that I want and not have to sit at a desk?!

Maybe next year. Until then, I'm going to try to keep up with the NoBloPoMo --it's not going very well so far, but much better than I had anticipated. I have gotten 3 posts in this month and we are only on the 6th day -- I am WAY ahead of my usual pace.

Dentist = Hell

2007-11-02T11:01:00.000-05:00

I have a new dentist. My other dentist kicked me out of his practice for not going for a long time. This seems strange I know. But he has MS and is scaling back and really I hadn't been there in 5 or more years and he is no where near where I live now. So it's not a big deal, but when it comes to change I am usually easy going, but with a dentist it's different.

The dentist was great, but still he's a DENTIST! He was nice, and checked on me a lot, to make sure I was feeling no pain and was comfortable, but still he's a dentist and I don't like going.

My tooth is fine now, hurt for a little while, but other wise doing good. I have to go back for the other half of my crown in a few weeks. YUCK. So not looking forward to that day. I guess I have to suck it up and be an adult, especially since I will have to take KM rather soon and I can't go passing on my disdain for the dentist to him. I'll let him decide on his own how much he hates it, or likes it.

Where does the time go?

2007-11-01T10:26:00.000-05:00

It has been crazy busy at the moment. No time for anything it seems. Had a good weekend in Sioux Falls last weekend. A story for another day.

It seems like it was just the beginning of October and here we are November 1st. One day I will have time to do it all. For now..... I'm just trying to keep up with life.

The last few days at work have been non-stop, I like it but not much time for anything else. Except for the dentist. I HATE the dentist. Have to go to the dentist for the first of 2 appointments to have a crown put on. YUCK! My mouth already hurts.

When I get a minute I will write down all the boring details of my life in the last few weeks.

Until then.... we'll nothing clever to say now.

I can't get there from here

2007-10-09T14:42:00.000-04:00

I just can't keep on top of this blog thing. I would really like to write everyday. But I just can't get there from here. I also would really like to write a book. That is just not going to happen any time soon, if my writing keeps up at this pace. Blog for a few days then off for a month. Never gonna happen at this rate.

KM has never been cuter. This morning he was telling me that I wasn't his best fwend. That daddy was his best fwend. And when I asked him how come I couldn't be his best fwend, he said because daddy's his best fwend. Then about 2 minutes later, he had changed his mind, and guess what mommy?! You can be my best fwend! Oh I can? Yes you can be my best fwend, and daddy's my best fwend too!

I love these conversations. They are about nothing, but so much at the same time.

Yesterday they went on a nature walk for "school" time at daycare. They learned about the leaves, and the different colors. The neighbor was nice enough to talk to them about the deer that come and eat his apples and rub up against the tree. KM stood there and listened intently. He was sucking his thumb and rubbing the cuff of his shirt. I hate that I miss things like this. I know we can go on our own walks and do our own things. I guess it just makes me think of how I would really like to be at home with him. I like my job, most days. And it helps to pay the bills, and some days I just can't deal with him. But I think overall, I would really like to be a stay at home mom.

For now, we'll just keep doing what we're doing. In the mean time, maybe I can get some writing done. Maybe....

Hurry up and wait.

2007-09-12T16:10:00.000-04:00

I took KM to the doctor yesterday. He has a lump on the back of his head. It's been there for about 2 weeks. I had called the doctor a few times to inquire about it. The first time, our regular doctor was out. I talked to a different nurse and she said that is was probably nothing. But she kept asking me when he fell. It's in such a weird spot, the bottom of his head where it connects to his neck. He could have fallen and hit it, but highly unlikely given the location. Then next time I called and talked to the nurse we always see. I really like her. I gave her the info and she check with our doctor and said if you want to come in and have him seen, they'll make room for us. She said it was probably a swollen lymph node. We discussed it, and her recommendation was to watch it over the weekend and if it changes in size to bring him in. I was trying not to worry much since it was not affecting KM at all and you could touch it when ever you wanted to. But over the weekend it seems to have gotten bigger. Maybe it was just me really wanting to take him it. But it honestly felt bigger. Last week it felt about the size of a pea. Yesterday, it felt about the size of a nickle or quarter. So I called and they got us in.

Our doctor says, he did not fall and hit it. They aren't really sure what causes it, but if the swelling on the lymph node doesn't go away, and it doesn't feel normal again by next week, they will go in a take it out. It's not life threatening or even bugging KM, but they will want to remove it anyways. I guess that's good. Simple procedure and he goes home the same day.

So while we were in the doctors office, I asked her about us trying to get pregnant. I was in her office in May. I thought I was preggers, 10 days late, and that's not normal. Of course I wasn't. So we talked about it, and she said if I wasn't pregnant by fall, she would want to run some tests. But she was sure I would be, very reassuringly said with a smile. I was holding out hope that she was right. We talked about how long it had been since I miscarried, a year and a half. We have been trying for almost a year, actually trying, not just ignoring birth control. I reminded her of our conversation, and asked her when she thought 'fall' was. She said it's time to do something. So I set up an appointment with an OBGYN (our doctor is Family Practice). I will go in on Monday. They'll check me out. I don't really know what they are looking for, or what they will do. Then if I'm okay, they'll check Husband. He'll have to give a sperm sample. Only God knows how I will get him to go and do that. But we'll save that fight for a different day. Then if that turns out okay, then they'll do x-rays, and that is as much as she told me.

So it got me thinking today 'what if', would we do in vitro or adopt? What exactly are the choices, just in case? Do we have the money for either of these? Or should we try a surrogate? How do you pick someone to carry your baby for 9 months? And then what if we put out all that money and it doesn't work. Of course they don't guarantee any of it. Just got me a wondering... Sometimes I feel better if I know all the options ahead of time, and sometimes I think, if I think of all the bad possibilities they won't happen. You know, because I have already thought of that, so it's not really a possibility any more. I just won't happen.

Husband didn't say to much last night when I told him I was going in. I'm not really sure what I wanted him to say if anything. It just seemed a little unusual for him to no say anything.

I guess we'll wait and see.

You owe me, like, 10...

2007-09-11T12:09:00.000-04:00

We went to see Husbands mom yesterday. What a weird experience. Husband told me to call the place she was staying and ask what time would be a good time to come and visit. I did not want to be the one making the call. I have only met her once, and when actually thinking about it, it was a year and a half ago. It was KM's first Christmas. So calling to check on her and set up an appointment, was not something I really wanted to do. We went back and forth, I told him he owes me BIG. He said fine I owe you 1, I said no you owe me like 10. So, I made the phone call. Talked to the man who answered the phone, he said anytime was a good time. Then asked me my name, the family was there and wanted to know who was on the phone. I gave him my name and then he put some lady on the phone, who I have never met. She was so glad that Husband had gotten her message about his mom. She is not doing well and Hospice says she may not make it through the night. We weren't planning on going until today (which would have been tomorrow yesterday! :) ). Anyways, it would be such a blessing if you could come before she passes and I know she would really like to see you. Blah, Blah Blah....

So I called Husband back and said, it don't look good. What do you want to do? He says, can't we go tomorrow? I said I don't care when we go, but it doesn't sound like she will be there tomorrow. FINE, we'll go today. So I speed up there and he was waiting around the block. He wasn't about to go in with out us (KM and I). We all go in, and his mom says hi to him and KM, then looks at me (remember I only met her once) and says Who are you? I say Wife. Who are you? I'm Wife. Who are you? I'm Wife. Then Husband and I exchange a look of this is going to be along night. But then suddenly she realized I was speaking English and remembered who I was. So we sat with her for a while and talked a little, we don't really know what to say to her. We both hardly know her. Then she wanted to go out side to have a cigarette. Okay I guess, so we haul her out side in her wheelchair, she wanted to walk, but they told us to make sure she stayed in the wheelchair. She watched KM run around, and he was a little surprising.

KM goes one of two ways when around people he doesn't know well. He is a cling on, and won't let go, or he acts totally normal. There's no in between shy stage of getting used to them. It was like he had known her his whole life. Good for us in a way, but he was his VERY BUSY self. Lots of chasing him around the house.

So we went back inside, and sat for a while. KM ate part of his 'lunch', and colored. He played with the cards. Husband and KM tried making a house of cards, but of course if kept falling over. Then she wanted to go back outside for another cigarette. She said "I want to have another cigarette before I go." The nurses asked "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" She said (in a very sassy tone) TO BED!" We were there about an hour and a half. This time we took his backpack and blanket with us. I put them in the truck and Husband and I decided to have a cigarette with her. KM sat on the ground and played in the 'mud'. Then only small patch of dirt he could find. At least he was in one spot. We talked a little more and then it was time to leave. We gave her hugs, KM sat on her lap for a second and they talked about candy. "I just want two candies, " he told her. Then Husband gave her a hug, she said tell your dad I miss him and I love him and I tried to to the best I could. It was all very surreal.

I come to find out later, while we were sitting inside, she was whispering to Husband, that she wanted him to try and sneak her out with us. "Make sure you take my purse first." I don't know what we were going to do with her, or where we were going to take her, I guess that didn't much matter to her.

We went and saw her anyways, but it's only a matter of time before she passes. I just seems so weird to wait for someone to die. I can almost bet my life that we won't see her again before she passes, but then we'll go to the funeral. I just seems like something is missing in the whole situation, but I think that "something" is a relationship that they never formed. We will go through the motions as if he actually knew he mom, but really he didn't. And I don't. And I'm not going to push him to do something that he is uncomfortable with. We granted her dying wish, I guess. Maybe that's what she's been holding out for. She didn't really care much about him while she was alive, why should he go running now that she's dying? But if he hadn't gone, there is always that regret of "what if".

In the mean time, I'm trying to decide exactly what it is that he owes me for making that phone call....

Welcome back...

2007-09-10T10:56:00.000-04:00

It's been a rather long time since I posted anything here, and yet, I find myself with little to say. We have been busy, and KM is as cute as ever, but still.... Maybe I am being lazy and don't want to type it, or maybe it's just not that interesting to anyone else.

For the first time in a long time Husband and I had a drunken weekend together. We went back to our home town and watched a volleyball tournament, and got drunk. It was so much fun to see all of our old friends. I feel like we never left, yet I feel like we have been gone for 10 years. Funny how that can happen. We swapped old war stories of who got the most drunk, who was the most high and who got the craziest. I won none of the titles. But it was fun to laugh and reminisce. Yet I find myself so happy we moved away. Away from the bullshit, and the cliche's, and the blaming everyone else for your problems. I sometimes want to move back to our home town, and then I visit it, and I remember what I hate most about it. Everyone is still stuck in highschool and for me, that was 7 years ago. Grow up already. Move out of your parents house, get a job, support yourself and be an adult.

My husbands mother is dying, and I can't find a lot of compassion for her. He doesn't really give a shit either. But you would have to know that before last Christmas, he hadn't seen her in probably 10 years, or talked to her in almost that long too. She did a lot of drugs while pregnant with him, he should be alive, or even a fuctioning human. But he is sharp as a tack and super smart. I have met his mother one time, last Christmas. Her dying wish is to see the 3 of us, Husband, KM and I. I really don't want to go, I don't even know her. Husband doesn't want to go either, but knows that he really should. When we did go visit her, I left my phone number to call us. When she did call, which was very often, the only thing she asked for was either money or for us to bring her cigarettes. That was about the only thing she would call for. It got so irritating, that I stopped answering her calls. Husband doesn't really even know her, but is fearing the big regret of life if he doesn't go to see her. I just don't really know how to handle this and still be a good wife. I feel like she didn't really give a shit about him in his lifetime, so why should we give a shit about her now. But that's not very nice, is it?? No matter what KM will never know who she is, or have any kind of bond with her. I don't want to spend my time getting to know someone who will die soon, and wasn't that great of a person to start with. But, again, that's not very nice, is it? I just need to suck it up and play nice for now. Soon it will be a memory and I won't have to think about it any more.

KM new words

2007-06-08T15:53:00.000-04:00

Beggy Ache -- Belly Ache

You pitty's? -- Are those your pretty's (hair things)?

Fordy Wee-were -- 4 Wheeler

Daddy some pot corn too? -- He was lying, saying Dad wanted some more popcorn, when really it was KM who wanted more.

I Muss Oooo Amma -- I miss you Amma.

Gampa, Gupa, Papa JB, Gampa Mark -- there are all differnt people

Me some too? -- Can I have some?

Damn It! -- Well, what can I say, he's a quick learner! This is used in correct context of when you would actually shout it.

Backhoe at Rogers house -- Our friend had there backhoe over at our house, and then moved it to the town of Rogers, KM calls it Roger's house, we even stop by on the way home and see him work at "Rogers house"

Bobtat -- bobcat, he can drive all by himself, just needs to sit on someone's lap to reach the controls.

****** UPDATED ******** 6/8/07
You break you teeth daddy, You get a new one?!
Dat's enough?
Can't see ober der -- I can't see over there.
I did -- KM, you need to eat your dinner, his standard answer, "I did". Do you have stinkin pants -- "I did".

This won't last long..

2007-06-08T10:52:00.000-04:00

Husband has been out of town the last few days, with the boys at an auction in 'Ca-go (as KM calls it, everyone else refers to it as Chicago). The had plenty of fun, actually probably more than they should have. While he has been gone KM has wanted to snuggle at bedtime. He goes to bed as usually with no fuss, but then wakes up a few times wanting Mama. So I go in there and pick him up. He just wants to be held for a few mintues. It's so nice to hold him and snuggle a bit. Then I sing a song and he goes back to bed. I will miss these days in the future. He is so warm and cuddly.

Last night we had our friends over for dinner. The 3 goof balls who went to 'Ca-go, Keg-gie, Nafan and KM and I. When we were eating they were giving each other crap about the trip. Singleton was watching out the window and a girl ran by. He said he might have to take up jogging and pretended to leave the table. Husband told him to "Go get some", then KM started in and kept saying "Go get some, Go get some, Go get some..." It's a lot funnier when a 2 year old is telling you to get some.

KM has started talking to himself. It is so cute to watch. He thinks no one is paying attention or listening. He talks in more than one voice. He asks dad if he wants some nummies, then "dad" answers in a deeper voice, and they have a conversation while eating their nummies. I could sit and watch him talk to him self for hours. The are so precious and innocent and cute at this age. I mostly wish he would never grow up past this age. Except maybe for the potty training part.

Everything he does lately I have been trying to pay extra close attention to it. I know the days of his cuteness and baby-ness, and innocence are numbered and I will have to stretch my mind to remember them. So I have been trying to write more things down and to use the video camera more. It's a work in progress, but I am taking the steps in the right direction to preserve his youth.

Who cares about mama

2007-05-29T16:36:00.000-04:00

The weekend was a success. We made the trip to Montana one more time to get my cousin. This will be the last road trip, for a while anyways. She is staying put in MN for now. Lots of good times were had by all. We met a new friend and she is wonderful. She was very hospitable, gracious and funny. She let us overtake her house and play with her kitty.

We got home at midnight Sunday/Monday. After sleeping for a few hours, we got up and went to get KM, he was staying with Papa. He could not have cared less that I was there to get him. It was Amma he wanted to see. Said hi to me, but then ran by to give her hugs and "I muss you's". He wanted nothing to do with me. I guess that's what I get for abandoning him for 3 days with the dreaded Papa. All they did was ride 40-wee-were, and watch baseball, and chase the birds, and go into town for treats, and every thing else the King Monkey wanted to do. What was I thinking when I left him in such hell?!

It was nice to have a few days alone, without all the chasing and running, and keeping him off the road. But I made up for that yesterday with the graduation party we were at. Oh boy, with the running. Does he every stop, or at least slow down? I guess I'll have time to rest, when I'm dead, which might be soon, if he keeps up all this running. I am too out of shape to be a mom, at least to one as active as he is. Goodness Sakes!

Then when we got home, long after his strict bedtime, he needed to go in the tub for the third time that day (the first 2 weren't needed, but Amma thought he should have them). He had diaper rash from the weekend, Papa needs another lesson on changing a diaper. You are suppose to wipe the poop off, not just put on a new diaper! Anyways, there was lots and lots of crying. KM was tired, had been woken up from the cat nap in the truck, had an oowie butt and was in an all around funk. So we put him in the tubby, soaked his butt and put him in is favorite jammies. Then he sat and snuggled with dad on the couch. The read a book twice then off to bed. Seems like he never wants to snuggle with mama when he is tired, only daddy.

I miss the days when he was my little snuggle bunny, when we would nap together. He is a major daddy's boy. I guess that's what I get for letting him grow up. The little turkey, why can't he stay 6-12 months old for a little longer. Just a few more months, then I'll let him turn 2. Maybe the next one will listen better when I tell them they can't get any older, at least not until I am ready.

A mother's work is never done...

2007-05-22T15:59:00.000-04:00

We had a great mother's day. I woke up to the KM with his nose about an inch from mine saying "Happy Mommies Day, Open peasants? (presents)". So we got up and opened peasants. They got me a really cool new oven mitt I wanted and a under cabinet mount radio/CD player. Which was also installed on Sunday -- this sort of thing never happens at our house.

Then the chaos began. We had my mom, grandma, great-aunt, sister and brother over. This doesn't seem like very many people, but it sure was hectic. It probably didn't help that I had a slight headache, which was just throwing me off all day. I just couldn't get in to the swing of things. The day was long and never ending. It would have been great if I had been in the mood. Lately we have been doing a lot of entertaining. Our friends come over a few times a week for dinner. It's great, but sometimes it feels like all I do it cook.

So on Sunday when every one was over, all I wanted to do was sit and enjoy the day, but instead had to cook. After dinner when I asked my husband to help clean up, he said there was enough people to do it (i.e. my mom, grandma, great-aunt and sister). This was pure bull shit, it was Mother's day, and not dad sits on his ass day. He wandered in to the kitchen and was going to pretend to help, after I got mad at him, and couldn't figure out why he needed to help or why I was so mad at him. I just yelled "Fuck It!". At that point I think he understood that I was not happy and that he should get his ass to cleaning up lunch.

Part of the reason I was so cranky at him was because last year on Mother's day I painted our bedroom. We were trying to sell our house, and we agreed that some of it needed to be re-painted. So while he said he was going to help, he ended up taking a 4 hour nap on the couch, while my mom watch KM and I painted the room by my self. So this year I had high hopes of being treated like the queen I should be and actually getting to relax a bit. Instead, while I prepared all of the things for lunch, and my brother did the grilling, my husband sat on the couch and watch baseball. Didn't even bother to talk to anyone who was over. GRRR! Sometimes that man really pisses me off. Excuse us for being in your presence sire, we shall leave whilst the holy baseball game is on. Never mind we were here to visit you.

I had to get a little upset with him last Friday as well. He has been working on a job for a friend of ours, so when work is done they sit and have a few beers. He shows up at home when ever he feels like it. This is so irritating. When I get done with work, some days I would like to just sit and have a beer too, but instead I have to go and get KM from daycare, then go home and make dinner, do the laundry, give KM a bath, pick up the house, do dishes etc. Never crosses his mind that some days I am tired too. On Friday when he did get home, he took KM outside for a bobcat ride and I went back in the house for a few minutes to just sit, and when I poked my head out the window, I heard KM squealing with laughter and wanted to see what they were doing, husband tells him that mom has never seen daylight and she hates it out side. She won't come and play with us. That just hit my pissed off button. There are plenty of times KM and I play when dad is no where around, and I don't tell KM things to make him think dad doesn't like playing with him. Then they came inside and I was laying down, and husband says there's the King lying on the couch. FUCK YOU -- it's the first 5 minutes I got to myself in a while and now I'm the King who expects everyone to do what ever it is that I tell them -- I don't even know what he was really referring to but when ever he calls me King, I get so angry at him.

This turned way more in to a ranting than I had originally intended, but that you have it. My frustrations with the husband. It's not all the time, or even a blanket statement like "lately", just a few isolated incidents. Needed to get them off my chest.

The Few, The Proud, The Soldiers

2007-05-14T14:22:00.000-04:00

There hasn't been much to say lately. Life has been boring. But coming up was always something that would change our whole family, and I know I have been avoiding thinking about it, talking about it, or even living it.

My cousin was going to be deplyed at first to Oklahoma, then to Iraq. He is in OK now, and will be back for a short bit this summer. But then he will be gone for, I'm guessing, 18 months. It's hard to watch from the outside. His fiance and 2 little girls are missing him like crazy. Not to mention the rest of the family. I can't even imagine what it would be like to miss out on that much time with my baby. Some days he drives me crazy, but I wouldn't trade that for all the tea in China.

I am hoping to do the best that I can to help out with the family. We are the ones that live the closest to them. I am going out west to bring my other cousin home (his sister). She needs to be closer to the family, and we need her to be here too.

I try not to think about it right now, he's only in training at the moment. But soon, he will be overseas, and everyday will be hard. Much harder for him than us, but hard none the less. Do you go on living life, like nothing has changed? How could you do that, knowing that it has, at least for now. How do you keep him up to date on what the kids do? How do you have a marriage from thousands of miles away? How do I write a letter, what do I say?

I worry that he won't come back and I know everyone else worries the same thing. I try not to think about it, but if it doesn't even cross my mind, would it be even tougher to deal with if I hadn't even thought about it? I like to think that sending out good karma his way will help keep him safe, but I don't want to be completely shocked either if something happened, even if he lived through the something, I think I need to be mentally prepared for almost anything. I won't be much good to others if I am mentally paralized at what has happened. Maybe it's the mom in be coming out, but I need to be useful to others in a time of need.

For now, I guess I will go on thinking that live is a bowl full of cherries, but soon, I will need to think about all the "if's".

GRRRRR Sisters

2007-03-26T17:12:00.000-04:00

Friday night, we had some friends over, ate dinner, nothing to exciting. Saturday, took KM to Gup-pa's house so we could go to a wedding. The wedding was for a friend of mine (who is also my bosses sister, and she used to date my brother) but over all I would consider her a friend first when introducing her. I digress. My husband and I, along with my mom and sister were all invited. Husband went to the ceremony with a little complaining, but he went. Then after that, he wanted to go home, before we ate. We had a little spat over it and he left. I rode with my mom and sister to the reception.

The reception was shaping up to be really fun. Food was really good, especially the mashed potatoes and gravy! YUM!! My sister and mom didn't know too many people there. I knew a few more, from having been at a few of the family things that they do. But over all, it was a little awkward, but really NOT that bad. Shortly after dinner, my sister gets a text message from a friend of hers about a party at a friends house. She says "I knew this would happen, that if I can to this, there would be something better to do at home." Pretty bitchy I think. People only get married once in a lifetime and our friend Amis (the bride) has been living out of state for 6-8 months. So we hardly ever get to see her, much less hang out. But my sister had things that were SOOO much more important.

The night moves on, and I have a few more drinks and dance, my normal routine at a wedding. I had no idea they wanted to leave, no one ever said anything to me. At some point during the evening, my sister called my husband and told him he need to come and get me because they were leaving. OK, maybe you should tell someone that you want to leave and then the group can make a decision from there. She had to call and bitch at my husband, and it was all because there was something funner going on somewhere else. TOO FUCKING BAD! You should have stayed your ass at home then, "just in case" something else cooler were to come up. I fucking hate her some days. She is a whiny, stuck up, spoiled, self centered little brat, and I mean that, and those words will be here for all of time. She pisses me off and I am getting sick of her poor me attitude.

She wants everyone to feel sorry for her because my dad won't buy her a car, meanwhile she has no job to put gas in it. But she says she can't get a job because she doesn't have a car. I bet there are about 10 million Americans without cars, that are working RIGHT NOW. But what the fuck do I know. Her big argument is The Monkey's Momma (ME) got a car from dad when she was 16 -- lest you forget, or block out of your stupid mind, is the fact that I had a job when I was 13, and continued to work even before I had a car or license. I won't lie, I got a lot of things in life most people do with out, but I also worked a lot and earned or paid for some of those things myself. I am so sick and tired of listening to her whine about her no car situation, but will do NOTHING to change it. Hey Sister, that horse is DEAD, stop beating it!!!!!!! No one gives a shit that you don't have a car, and the more you whine about it, the more people DON'T want to help you change it.

I have a small nugget of news that I haven't shared with her yet, but am really thinking I should. My dad just bought a new car for their nanny. I don't have the time or energy to go into why this is SUCH a big deal in our family. But trust me when I tell you, sister would LOSE HER MIND if she found this out. I think she deserves to know about it, but if I am the one to tell her, then I have to listen to her cry about it for, well let's just say I'll have to hear about it for the rest of my life. I don't have that kind of time. So for now, I talk to Husband about it and we laugh. I know it's not nice, but she hasn't been all that nice lately either, and I am tired of it.

She is on the shit list from KM's birthday party. Her and her boyfriend broke up and she couldn't come because she was sad and didn't want our dad or brother to say anything to her, and she knew she would blow up and yell at them. Get over yourself. You have ONE nephew and ZERO nieces, and he has a birthday ONE time a year, sorry to inconvenience you by trying to celebrate it. Next time we'll try to make sure your silly high school romance is on solid ground before we go planning something that has NOTHING to do with it.

So my final words for the day are -- GET OVER YOURSELF SISTER AND START THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF FOR ONCE!

Phone Calls and Memories

2007-03-22T12:16:00.000-04:00

This morning I got a most unusual message on my phone, I guess not really considering the source. It was pretty much par for the course from her. It was from my friend/cousin. It was a message playing "My Town" -- Montgomery Gentry. This is one of my favorite things to send and receive. A song, between us, that is special to us, and only "us" knows why this song means anything, and every time we hear this song we think of each other. The "us" could have more than one song or only one song. But I love that no matter where we are, or what we are doing, we stop for a moment, re-connect and go back in time, to the time when that song turned from just any old song, to OUR song.

The particular song takes me back to the summer I was going to get married and my friend/cousin and I would pick up a six pack of Busch Lite and drive the hour and half from where we lived in the cities, to my home town. We would do this more than once a week and usually on a week night, where the next day we had to be back in the cities to work, at a very early hour. It makes me think of the windows down, sun shining, wind blowing, radio cranked up, stuck in traffic. And as soon as I think of how the windows were down, it reminds me of another memory, my husband who decided that our home town was "His Town", so when the song came on for him he would roll down the windows and drive around "His Town". He had to "make the rounds" as he called it, to check on "His Town". This is exactly why we would roll down the windows when ever we heard this song.

I love that forever, whenever I hear that song, I will think of here and she will think of me. I miss the days when we young, and wild and free, and usually drunk! Life was so much simpler back then (all 4 years ago). We did what ever we wanted and on weekends were usually a 6 pack in by Noon. I distinctly remember, shoes off, sun shining down on us, slight wind blowing, and we were ankle deep in the only mud puddle we could find. It couldn't have been more than 5 sq ft big. But it was enough to get our toes dirty.

Time will never be like that again, but I will always treasure the memories we made driving down the road, and it makes me look forward to the road trips of the future.

Baby not on the way...

2007-03-21T16:26:00.000-04:00

We have trying/not trying to get pregnant for about a year. Not overly seeking, but doing nothing to prevent it either. In the last few months, I decided it's something I think I could do again. My first pregnancy was fairly uneventful, no major health problems and no major complications, but still wondered everyday why people do this more than once. I get it now. Once they are no longer babies, you begin to miss it terribly. Every day I was excited for KM to learn something new and to hit his next milestone. I still am, but I miss him being so little. He is much easier to live with now. He can feed him self and walk. He can help get dressed and pick up the toys. He can tell you what he wants -- Milt (milk) or jooosh (juice). But he is growing up fast, and I feel like I am taking it for granted.

I was really good at keeping up with his baby book when he was smaller, now I haven't seen it in probably 3 months. I take a lot of pictures of him, but am bad a writing down the things he says. I will miss his voice and actually am already starting to miss it. He used to say Gup-pa. Now he says Gam-pa. I want him to forever refer to my dad as Gup-pa, but that was clearly short lived. He calls our friend Keg-ie. Soon, it will be her real name. I just want him to stay this age forever, or at least for a few more years, until I am done with him being 2, which I know will take much more than a year.

I decided a few weeks before his birthday that this is the year I am going to HATE the most. It seems a bit harsh but it's true. Now at his 2 year birthday, he is still part baby. But by his 3rd birthday, he will be all BOY and NO baby. He will be talking in full sentences, and asking "Why?" about everything. He will do things on his own, and go to Pre-School. He will not ask me to sing "The Big Cow" song (Mama, don't let your baby's grow up to be cowboys, Willie Nelson) any more and want to play in his room with out us. I am SO VERY NOT ready for all of this. As much as he doesn't' need me, I NEED him to need me. It makes my life make sense. And thus, ladies and gentleman, this is why people have more than one child, so they can torture themselves with these emotions and feelings year after year, as each child grows up and doesn't need them any more. This is exactly why people who swore they would never have more than one child, have more than one child.

They need to feel needed again. I need to feel needed again. I don't miss the waking up in the middle of the night, or the breast feeding (well maybe just a little), I don't miss having to make sure we had formula everywhere we went or even the price of formula, but I know it's all worth it, every stinkin' bit of it when KM sits with me on the "cow-ch" and snuggles in, because he is trying to delay bedtime. And even though he thinks he's pretty smart, I actually tell him it's bedtime about 20 minutes before it actually is so he will snuggle with me and have me sing "The Big Cow" song.

It's all worth it when he gives big hugs and kisses at bedtime. I love him so much. And that is why we are willing to do it again, and again and again.

To work or Not -- This is my question

2007-03-16T15:30:00.000-04:00

Down time at work is not at much fun as you would think. Some days it's nice not to have much to do. But those are only the days when I am hung over and that is not very often. Today is one of those days where I actually wish I had something to do or could go home. I am feeling a little like I don't matter at my current job. The important things to be done around here are not trusted to me. I can do the filing, but I can't write the checks? It just seems so silly to me. I have enough spare time anyways to do this. But we pay someone else to come in and do it.

Sometimes I think it's time to move on in my career -- or my job, some days it both. But then I think of the incredible benefits I get here and I think of how hard it is to start over. It's comfortable and it's safe and it's going no where for me. I will still be doing the same job in 10 years with only a slight pay increase and probably no more responsibility. I don't want that. I like being important, and recognized and needed and counted on. I like knowing that what I do matters daily in operations. Most of the time this is not the case here.

Husband tells me to quit and move on, that I am smarter than I am being given credit for. But still, it's hard to move on to the next job when I feel like there is more that needs to be accomplished here. I also don't like moving on with out knowing who's taking my place and if they know EXACTLY how I do things. I know this is ridiculous, because they can do things however they want, but my way is the only way things should be done. My way is the best and smartest way and it makes the most sense! (You know you have felt this way about something).

So for now, I guess I'll stay. I have other things I want to do in life, but none of them will make me much money at first and this scares me. I need to make money. Even if Husband has a job and is making lots, I need my own to spend. I don't like asking him for money. One day I will take the big scary leap and move on to the next thing, but not this week.

Missing my husband

2007-03-06T11:41:00.001-05:00

My dearest love of my life was out of town for a few days and as much as I didn't think I would miss him too much, I really, really did. We have been away from each other before and for about the same amount of days. But for some reason this time was different. Maybe it was the snow (we got about 18 - 20"), or maybe it's that Kermit is so much busier now, or maybe I just love him that much more than I used too. I felt very alone, and very helpless, with everything. Not that he shovels the snow (some one else comes and plows it -- we're lucky, I know), or not that he does all the cooking (we share this duty), not that he takes Kermit to daycare (I always have), but this time, I was missing him terribly. I guess I felt like the protector of the house was gone, and what if...... he wouldn't be there to save us. Normally when we hear a weird, loud, different noise in the house he tries to send me to look. I tell him that's the husbands job. These thoughts are kind of all over, but I really missed him this trip. We were fine and plenty of things to do. But the snow was romantic and we were snowed in and he wasn't there to share it with us.

I realized (not that this is even close to a comparison, but it's the closest I have) that when my cousin had to go back to MT, and she was missing her man, I could see what she was feeling. Now they are totally different because Husband was coming back in 6 days, she doesn't know when she'll see Him again. But leaving someone you love, or having them leave you, even if only for a short time, makes you think about how much you love them. It makes you think about how life is so much different when they are not there. It makes you think of all the things life would not be, if they are not there, or if they were never there. I could see why she was so very sad. I'll admit that I even cried. Sappy, sappy girl, I know. But things have been going so well in our family lately. We have been having dinner together every night, talking, playing with Kermit and enjoying life like people should do. Maybe I was just sad that it would not be like this for a few days.

My husband makes me want to be a better mom. I sometimes run out of patience with Kermit and he is there to pick up where I am failing. He is the playful one, and I am the laundry, dinner, read the books before bed time mom. Kermit and I have a different routine when he is not around. We snuggle more on the couch (after a long day at work, I just don't always feel like running around), we read books and learn new words and count and sing the ABCB's (that is not a typo -- that's what KM calls them). When dad is around they play more and run and "fight" and play ball. I guess I should cherish this time because when dad is around, sometimes it's like I don't' exist. Only time for dad.

I try not to focus on bad things, but what if he didn't come back, or what if something happened to us while he was gone. Would he get on a plane and come home, would he send my mom to make sure all was well, would he just not worry about it? I pretty sure I know the answer (#1) but I got to thinking.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am glad he'll be home today and I'm glad that he picked me to marry him.

Another worry for another day: What if we can't have more babies? This has been on my mind a lot lately and I'll have to write it out one day.